I Can't Learn to Trust

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Visitor's Question:
i have dated this boy on and off for 2 years. in the beginning everything was great, but i pushed him away because i just got out of a relationship and i didn't want to hurt again. the result was it got him down and he got fed up with it and we broke up.

we got back together and then i moved in with him. we had trust issues on my side and his and so we smothered each other because we didn't trust each other. we broke up again then we got back together again.

we are now broken up again. all the other times we broke up he would say i don't want you, move on, i wanna be with other people. and he did have sex with other people each time. but this time is way different because we talk about getting back together and he is only having sex with me. but he said he isn't ready to come back yet.

well 2 days ago i found out he went out to eat with another girl. he said hes not interested in her whatsoever. he didn't even buy her meal. here's the problem. knowing this drove me crazy, so i texted him 24/7 for the past few days. now he's mad and said to leave him be.

i don't know if i should believe him or not because in the past when he has liked a girl he has told me he wants to move on and be with other people. this time he's not saying that. he says he doesn't want a girlfriend and if he does get one hes just gonna come back to me.

Should i believe him? and should i give him time and not talk to him?

Our Suggestion:
Definitely if he's unsure about the relationship then you don't want to antagonize and upset him. He's already going through a healing process - you want to make that as easy as possible to him. If you start to appear to be a psycho stalker, it will just push him further away.

Absolutely this is the time to be on your best behavior. Be patient, be understanding, and be trusting. You said that a key issue you two had was that you couldn't trust each other. You're now proving to him that things aren't any better on that front. That isn't going to reassure him.

Absolutely a key in any relationship is trust. You need to be able to trust him, and he needs to be able to trust you. If you really feel that you *can't* trust him, you have to ask yourself why. Has he ever done things to break your trust? If not, it's time to bite the bullet and let yourself trust. Either you risk yourself by trusting him, or you risk your happiness by driving him away.

Lisa

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