He Never Takes Me Out

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Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
We met 5 yrs ago during one course where he was my senior. In the starting phase he did everything like asking questions, trying to gain my attention, trying to be with me etc. In that same yr we fought, actually fault was mine and we broke our friendship. After 1yr I said sorry to him and we started friendship again. After 1 & half yr after completing studies & getting good job he proposed me.

Before proposing me he told me everything about his past life. I asked him about his previous GFs, so he said he don't have time,he always be busy so he can't have GF, and my answer was a girl can understand this things.

But now the problem is this thing is bothering me, he be so busy & we hardly get time to meet. We meet after months or a year & he hardly pick up my call. If I said it's urgent then he make himself prepare to do anything for me. Why is he behaving so?

Many sites & love consulting ppl says that, if a boy loves you he will take you out he will introduce you with your friends, but he never take me out we always meet at home, either his or mine. Only few friends of his job location know me by my messages on his mobile & his younger brother know me. I don't understand is he shy or just want to play with me? when I ask him this question he says you don't trust me.

When I talk with him about my friends broken relationships, he says just think about us. He never said he loves me, he said he likes me, he says like & love is one and the same.

He never lie to me that's for sure, but he is not giving enough attention to me, so this making me think that does he really loves me?

please help me.

Our Suggestion:
It is quite fine that you don't go out. Many people don't go out for a variety of reasons. They enjoy the quiet alone time better, which is sweet! They want to save money for more important things in life. They hate noise and crowds. So if your boyfriend is not a go-out kind of person, that is something to come to accept. You can find other friends to go out with, and enjoy your quiet time with him.

It may be that he doesn't have many friends. Some people are like that. So try to figure out if he's actually hiding you from all his many friends, or maybe he just really does only have 2 or 3 friends. If he only has a few friends, then you are even more special. You are one of the few people he's let into his life. If he does have tons of friends, what is it that he does with them? Find ways to be invited along, even just once to meet them. It's fine for him to have his "guy's night out" - everyone needs their friend time - but it's also fine for you to just once see what it's like.

Many people are trained to feel that love only happens when people are married. I.e. that it is inappropriate to say love when people are just dating. So he could be of that mindset. I wouldn't worry about what he "calls it" - I would focus on how he behaves to you.

If he is incredibly busy, the important thing is to figure out what his priorities are. If he has an insanely busy job and has to be on call 24 hours a day to keep his job, I would have to understand that. We live in tough economic times and keeping the job is definitely a priority. Somehow you have to find a way to come to terms with that. However, if he's busy because he's watching TV 4 hours a night and that's more important than communicating with you, that's quite another matter. So you should figure out what exactly he's spending his time on, and if it seems reasonable or unreasonable to have you below those tasks.

Lisa

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