He Broke up Via Text

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Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
Ive known him for 6 months and weve been txting since (sometimes for hours!) and we been seeing each other for 2 months (makeout). I was head over heels for him from the get go. We never had sex although hes very sexual. He knows Im a good girl and need commitment and he told me he likes I havent been around.

Everytime we be together hed hold my hand and cuddle with me so tight and wed kiss for hours. We were never talking everyday on the phone but we established exclusivity. Im crazy about him.

After being MIA for 4 days (and me txting him & trying to stay nice) he sent me a txt yesterday saying he met a new girl and hes gonna go for her and its best we dont talk anymore.

Im in pure shock! What will make him regret more...me not replying? or me telling him how I feel? I never poured out my heart cuz I was too scared it would scare him away but he knows Im super into him even if I play it cool. Plz I want him back before I loose him for good.

Plz give me advice on how to fix it and not get over him. Thanks. Should I tell him how I feel without asking him back and be honest or just forget it. What will make him miss me and regret leaving me???? Maybe if he knows how I feel he'll realise this new girl is not worth it? I cant even imagine being without him when a week ago we were in bed together. Is the fact he didnt sleep with me not enough to miss me?

Our Suggestion:
I think if you've been with him for six months that he knows how you feel - it's hard to hide feelings for six long months! He knows you care for him. But even so, he was willing to do one of the WORST things a person can possibly do, which is break up with someone via text message! He couldn't even respect you enough to let you know in person and to discuss it with you. Instead, he decided to treat you with disrespect and cut it off remotely.

That makes it fairly clear that HIS feelings were not that strong.

I know you are idealizing what you had and think if only he was back that he'd be different. But clearly what you were seeing was not the real story. It's a shame, but sometimes people are like that, pretending to have strong feelings when really they are just biding their time until something different comes along.

What's important here is that you were simply not a good match. It's NOT that you should have slept with him to keep him!! Any relationship based on things like that is doomed to fail. What he was looking for did not match with what you are. This does NOT mean that you should change to fit his needs, because then you're stuck changing and changing in a constant battle to meet what he wants. You'll never be happy that way. And he won't either.

So again, if he was willing to drop you via a text message, and won't even talk with you to discuss it, it sounds like this is NOT a man you want back in your life. Yes it'll be hard to accept it. Yes you'll have a dream version of him that you want to spring into life. However life isn't like that. People are the way they are. We can't change them. We can look with open eyes at them, and then make choices in life that are healthy for us. He was not healthy for you. Someone out there IS perfect for you, and now that you're free, you'll be able to find him and wrap yourself in his arms.

Lisa

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