Ex Wants Back - I'm Going to College

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Visitor's Question:
My Ex and I started dating at 13, we were very young and our relationship was very innocent more of really good friends than your typical bf/gf. over the five years that we dated we grew very close as friends and more physically. We haven't slept together or with anyone else. we're both waiting till marriage.

We broke up because we just weren't feeling it anymore and for the majority of our relationship he lived 900 miles away but we stayed together and would visit each other a few times a year. We've stayed in contact with each other and honestly we're one of each other's best friends. We've both dated other people but it's never been as easy as it was for he and I to date.

Recently he and I have been talking every day and he's admitted that he's always had feelings for me and they won't ever go away. I admit that I too have feelings for him but I'm not sure if they're true or just a newness and excitement over having someone give me attention. We still live in different states and we've started talking about what would happen if we were to start dating again. he's already been in college and I'm going this year. I'm scared that we'll get involved and then i'll go to school and either find someone else or find that I was wrong. I really care about him and I don't want to hurt him again.

He has said that if we do date that he would work on moving back to California because he wouldn't be able to be away from me anymore. I'm a little confused and overwhelmed with all this happening so soon.

Our Suggestion:
You're taking a very good look at the situation and asking all the right questions. That is a great sign. You want to do this right and to make sure you're doing it for healthy reasons. Many people wouldn't be asking questions like this. So kudos to you for that.

It is always challenging for someone just going to go to college to maintain a previous relationship - and it is *doubly* hard when that previous relationship was long distance. You would be setting yourself up for the ultimate challenge. I would really only recommend this if your relationship was rock-solid and one you absolutely craved with all your being. It really doesn't sound like that's where you are.

I would leave your life open as you head off to college. A ton of things change when you get to college, and you only have one shot at college (for most people anyway ;) ). So you want to be able to immerse yourself fully in what that experience offers.

Certainly I would keep him as a friend - but he already had his "fun college start time". It's your time to have that as well. If he does really care for you, he'll let you go have that experience. If you two were really meant to be, you will both be ready for each other once you settle in to college. But you deserve to come to that decision with a completely free will, with no strings or ties.

Good luck, and enjoy college!

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