Best Friend's Boyfriend

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Visitor's Question:
I dated this guy for a month and then broke it off with him because I get scared of commitment. We stayed best friends still and he wanted me back but I never realized I wanted him back until he started dating my best friend.

Me and him still talk every night and about how we still love each other so much and everything and talk about some other stuff... but that's the point. We both love and want each other more than anything but because he's with her we both don't want her hurt because of this.

I don't know what to do at all. :( What should I even do?

Our Suggestion:
I think you both realize that what you are doing right now is incredibly damaging for all three of you. A person in a relationship should be committed to that relationship.

He tells this other girl that he's committed to her - and the entire time he's lying because he's pouring his heart out to you. That girl COULD have a guy who is her dreams and who is completely committed to her - and instead she's stuck with someone who lies to her and only gives her part of his heart. What kind of a girl wants that?

He needs to make the decision here. If he wants to be with you then he needs to BE with you. He can't keep jerking around the other girl and treating her poorly because it's easier on him. She deserves someone who loves her with all his soul. If he can't be that man, he needs to let her go so she can find that man. Or is he thinking that she should "make do" with the parts of his life he's willing to dole out to her when he finds he has time?

No woman deserves that kind of treatment. She deserves the full love and affection of a man.

If he's going to be a man worthy of respect, he needs to set her free, and he needs to take the consequences. And if you are going to commit yourself to him, you better have faith that he can handle this minor hiccup in life, because far larger hiccups tend to happen than this as you age.

--Your Friendly Advisors at

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