Starting to Date

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Visitor's Question:
This young man and I have been neighbors all of our lives on farms just down the road from each other. As children, he and his younger brother would come over every day after school and we would play together. He was "intrigued" by me (as my mother puts it) and so was I.  At one point, he even proposed marriage to me with a plastic, heart ring.

As time passed, our slight age difference and separate social groups began to wear away at our close friendship until we stopped talking all together.  Several years passed, with us only occasionally acknowledging each other's existence through hallway glances and casual small talk on the bus. Just as he was graduating however, I wrote him a small note congratulating him  wishing him well in his life. At the end of the note I gave him my email and told that he could email if he ever needed someone to talk to. He emailed me right away, stating his thankfulness for our friendship and how I helped shape the person he had become.  

Since then, we have emailed everyday for over a year, conversing about anything and everything, indirectly expressing our feelings for one another.  His younger brother even told me that he knew I liked the guy, and when I denied it, he said he had just made it up.  My mom (who has no knowledge of our emailing and knows and reads a lot about relationships) always comments on our childhood friendship, saying that this guy has been waiting for me to come around and that it would be perfect if we got married in the future.  I feel uncomfortable discussing any of this with her though because she finds such topics very exciting and enjoys teasing me about boys.

What I would like to know is, what should I do to bring this young man and I closer together. I have never felt right or suitable with any other guy, and I always compare them, and even movie stars, to him as if it is his characteristics which I am looking for. When we are together, I feel like my life is in order and is whole. He too has become a part of who I am and brings me true joy.

Our Suggestion:
If you're already emailing every day, then why not start meeting in person? Tell him you've always wanted to see movie X and would he go with you. Tell him you've wanted to try a certain restaurant, and would he go along. The more time you spend together, the more natural it will be to be together. Start giving him a warm hug when you see him. Go step by step, and increase the hug levels as you go.

We have thousands of tips on how to go from friend to boyfriend-girlfriend on the website. Read them and start doing them!

--Your Friendly Advisors at

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