She's Keeping her Ex Around

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Visitor's Question:
My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for 4 months now. She has told me that she has never loved anyone like she loves me and that I am the type of guy she has always wanted to be with. I love her the same way.

Problem is she still keeps close contact with her ex. He drops her to work. she takes him lunch to work. I did not mind that until one day I saw him drop her to work and she claimed it was another person. I confronted her and she claimed that she did not want to make me upset. That is why she did not tell me the truth. She said if it was me having this kind of contact with my ex she would be very jealous with me.

Since then I just have this jealousy with me that I can't get rid of. I asked her if she had told him she is seeing someone. She said she did not. She says she broke up with him in good terms and she does not want to just stop answering his calls. What is best for me.

Our Suggestion:
O-ho-ho. Your girlfriend really likes the best of all possible worlds, doesn't she?

OK first off. Yes it is great that she keeps her ex as a friend! It's something we should all do if we're able to, a good friend is hard to find. An ex understands you better than most anybody else does.

But she is lying to you and lying to him about it??? Lying is NEVER RIGHT whether it's with a friend OR a boyfriend!! It should not be up to her to choose what to lie to you about to "keep you from being upset"! What if she slept with him, would she then lie to you about it to "keep you from being upset"? Talk about a ridiculous justification.

Your girlfriend is playing both sides of the fence to please her own selfish interests. She wants both guys interested in her. Tell her that part of being in a relationship is being honest, trustworthy and committed. She HAS TO TELL her ex that she is seeing you. She HAS TO TELL YOU when she sees her ex. It's about time she learned some lessons in honesty! If she fears that her ex won't be her friend if he learns she's with someone new, then what kind of a relationship is that to have? One that can only survive if it involves deceit?

My gut feeling is that this girl is not ready for ANY relationships and that you are in for some pain when she betrays you yet again. But if you really want to try to make it work, maybe you can help her grow up a bit. But either she grows up and realizes that honesty is the core of EVERY relationship - friendship, lover or otherwise - or she's going to destroy any relationship she touches and get burnt herself along the way.

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