He Wants Kids, I Don't

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Visitor's Question:
My 'husband to be' is so weird. He loves children and he constantly talks about having "a bunch". He looks at me lovingly and tries to imply that I will probably look "better" if I were pregnant. One day he told me that he was talking to a friend of mine about how he thought that I "wouldn't look right pregnant," and that "I don't look like the mothering type" Of course he said this after I told "him" that I didn't want to have any kids.

What is he trying to insinuate? That he wants me to have his children or is he just trying to play reverse pyschology on me or something?

Our Suggestion:
If you guys are engaged then this is a SERIOUS issue to talk about now. This isn't something that can be compromised on. Kids are a very serious, lifelong responsibility that some people really want and some people really DON'T want. If you two try to "make it work" than one of you can end up VERY miserable for your entire life. Love can conquer almost all - but it can't conquer this issue.

I wouldn't call your guy "weird". I would call him *paternal*. There are many guys like that in the world - and usually they find a maternal woman and are completely happy together! For you to feel he's weird for his love of kids underlines just how different you two are on this core-life issue. I know MANY men and woman who simply do NOT want kids and are very, very happy without them. I also know several who were forced into having kids and they are miserable.

Yes, you love him. And you can keep loving him. But before you MARRY him you need to get this resolved. If he wants kids and you don't, he is NOT the guy to marry. You can keep him as a best friend, and let him find a woman that DOES want kids. For you to force him to lead a kidless life - or for him to force you to have kids - would make you both hate each other. That's not a future to look forward to.

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