I drove him away, I want him back now

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Visitor's Question:
My ex and i were together for like 6 mo., ever since my baby was born (he's not her dad). But I was afraid of getting too close from my last relationships. I listenend to other people and I made myself so numb towards him that i constantly nagged him and i cheated on him twice. I just now have been able to get out of that numb state and i've just been crying and crying.

Since a few weeks ago I've been telling him we just need to be friends to get our lives together, plus we argue too much. But now I realize it was me arguing at him about the smallest thing. Its like i picked out everything i possibly didn't like and griped.

Now he's seeing my best friends friend, and his best friend is seeing mine. They have their little clique now and i'm left out. He says that he wants to still be close friends since everything we've gone through but I cant be friends with him with how I feel about him and act like its not there.

I now feel so much for him. I miss everything about him. He treated me soo good and he was amazing with my child. I want him back and I was wondering if you think there's anything I can do to make it happen.

Our Suggestion:
Wow, it really sounds like SOMETHING was going on it you cheated on him twice!! Cheating is about the ultimate form of betrayal you can do to someone, and it should never just "happen". If you make a commitment to someone, it needs to be honored, to show that you as a person are capable of honoring the things you say. If you break your commitments once it's bad enough, but to do it repeatedly shows him that he really can't trust you at all going forward. The arguments and nagging are just minor details when compared to that.

It really sounds like you have some serious issues going on in your life if you have a guy that really tries to be with you and you betray him and harass him. Those sorts of issues don't just "go away" - your missing him might be stronger than the problems for now but believe me, to convince him to start trusting you again and spending time with you you would have to make some amazing efforts to really change. And those don't just happen by magic.

I would talk with a therapist. Your life as a person and a parent depends on your ability to take responsibility for things and handle what life gives you. A therapist can really help with those issues. Then tell the guy that you are seeing a therapist and could he help you out. He will realize that you are REALLY serious about this, and that he can be a helpful influence in getting you onto a good path. He'll be willing to help out because you are doing this with a trained person and not just telling him "I'm different now, trust me".

It'll be better for you, better for this baby who relies on you and better for your relationship with your ex.

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