I want proof she isn't cheating on me

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Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
My girlfriend and I have been together for 3+ years. We both go to the same college and even come from the same hometown. Within the last 3 months she has been acting distant. I think that she is cheating on me with a guy 8 years older than her. I feel this way because I have recently seen a email from her mother giving her advise on what to do with this guy; in addition to seeing her around him more. When I asked her about the email, she said that her mother whats her to date him. I feel as though she is seeing the guy but she denies it and says that I'm the only one for her. What should I do? I don't know if I can trust her because she says things but doesn't always stick to doing them. In a way I want proof that she isn't cheating on me. Can you help me with this at all?

Our Suggestion:
There's no way to prove someone isn't cheating. And you haven't caught her at it, so all you have is suspicions.

After being together for 3 years, hopefully you two have good lines of communication. She says she's not seeing him. So either you trust her, or you accuse her of lying to you. Relationships are all about trust.

So sit down with her seriously and have a long talk. Explain that you've felt her being more distant and that the relationship is extremely important to you. That the relationship needs work and commitment from BOTH of you and that you are putting in 100%, and that you have these concerns. Ask her if she's still committed to putting in 100% because it only works if you both are working at this together. Ask her what her concerns are. Then work together on a plan that helps you feel less distant from her, and less threatened by this other guy.

If her mom is actively advising her to date someone else while she is already dating you, then she needs to ask her mom for some respect. To advise anyone to date a second person while they are still with a first is really unhealthy. Either her mom is supportive in her decisions or she isn't.

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