My Wife Cheated, Now She Says she Loves Me

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Visitor's Question:
I have been married for 2 years. My wife cheated on me on the first year and I told her to leave the house. We have a child together. Ever since that we have tried to work things out and it's been a yo-yo thing between us and that guy she went with. I broke up with my current girlfriend and I decided to give her a chance because she said she knew what she wanted and it was to fix our family and be with me. She told me today that she still thinks of the other guy and that she loves him but he is not right for him. I love this woman, she tells me to give her time, cause she might just miss the way his family treated her (like a daughter), and I would do anything for this woman and I am 110% committed to her. What should I do?

Our Suggestion:
This doesn't sound like a good situation. The woman committed to marrying you, and had a child with you. Then she decided (pretty quickly) that she didn't really honor that, and that she was going to go play the field. Then she thinks about coming back, but she's not really sure, so she's going to just sort of hang out and keep you waiting while she makes up her mind.

Relationships exist between two people that are both committed to each other, have each other's interests at heart and want to work jointly to be happy together. She doesn't seem like she's doing any of that. She's making herself happy, wants you to wait around while she figures out if she'd be most happy with you or without you. That's highly unfair to you and to her daughter.

Maybe she'll never decide. Maybe she'll think she decides but then in another year or so changes her mind again. You deserve someone that can truly commit to you - not someone that sort of drifts with the breeze and might be here today and gone tomorrow.

If you really want to save the relationship, both of you should really go to a therapist together and work these issues through. Either she learns how to commit, or you're never going to have a stable relationship.

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