I'm Playing Hard to Get

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Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
Me and my ex boyfriend dated for two years. Weve been through everything together. Well he decided to go out of town and visit his family. He ended up meeting a 15 year old and liked her. He's 19. Then he decided that he liked living up there cause he had no one he had to listen to and he could do what he wanted. I talked to him up there and he said he was really confused about us and himself. He told me that he loves me to death but he hasnt been really happy lately. But i thought everyhting was ok between us. For christmas he went out and spent alot of money on me.

Do you think he will call me or try to get back with me after he realizes what he is doing. He lost his job, he has nothing up there. I think hes trying to see if it will work between them and if it doesnt he will try to come back to me. He cant just forget about me and our relationship.

If he calls should i ignore them? He said if he can't find a job by the end of the month he will have to come home. Where he's at, it is a small town in the mountains and there are no jobs up there.

I ended up going out there to see what was going on he he just said that he will always love me and just to give him some time to figure it out. He kept trying to kiss me and hug me but i wouldn't let him. I want him to think that he has lost me. I think that if he calls or writes me i need to ignore him to make him wonder what i was doing and that i was over him. That might make him realize something. Right now he thinks that i am going to wait around and that he has me right where he wants me.

After what i told you, what do you think i should do.

Our Suggestion:
Well first off, that girl is a minor and he is an adult. So it is illegal for him to be involved with her. He should give that some serious thought.

Next, you should NEVER, EVER play games with someone. If you like him, then play it straight with him. What happens if you game play, and he stays with her, saying "Sorry you made it obvious that you didn't want me back". You would have just game played yourself into him never returning to you. A relationship is about honesty and truth. If you try to MAKE a relationship by lying and being dishonest, it is simply not going to work. Even if he did come back, he would never trust you again because who knows if you're being honest now or still playing games.

He is using you as a safety net. He's trying out other things and figures you will "be good enough" if the other things don't work out. You don't deserve to be what someone "settled for because what they really wanted didn't work out". You deserve someone who thinks YOU are the best thing. If the only way you think you can get him is to play head games with him, he is NOT worth having. Because any games you play are going to destroy the relationship.

So tell him that he has made his decision - he left you, he went to look for a new job, he is screwing around with a new girl. That isn't something you just "do". It is a conscious decision. And therefore YOU are free to see other guys and choose a new path for your life. If someday he decides to come back to talk to you again, he will have to wait in line and see if you are actually free and available. But I would seriously give it a few months before you even consider dating him again. He already left you once for "something better". If another girl wanders by, he's going to take off again just as easily. You deserve someone who feels YOU are that better person and who wants to be with you.

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