She is Drawing Away

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Visitor's Question:
HI my girlfriend broke up with me over Christmas. We were together for 8 months and lived together for 4 of them. The last 2 months we were both going through a lot of personal things and it caused a lot of stupid little fights. She was going to come home with me at Christmas and go on a trip with my family but then things happend and she could not afford it. I still went and when i left we seemed fine.

A few days after i left she called me crying and i wasnt really there for her and it hurt her a lot. I did not know how bad she was till after i got back in town a few weeks later but if i had known i would of never left and that is true. I have seen her twice since then and it was really good. We hugged and kissed and even took a nap together. She said how much she loves me and wants us to be together but she just cant do it right now she is getting her life back together.

I have been giving her space and everything was going good till the other day. She now lives with her mom (who does not like me) and she is an hour away the other day she had to come here to my town to pay some bills and at first she said she was going to come by and say hi but then i got a call that said she would not have time. I was up set but did not really show it at the time.

The next day she called me but i missed the call so i called her back everything was going fine till i said that it kind of hurt me that she did not come by. She got all upset and seemed mad at me and i really have not talked to her since. She is supposed to call me today i hope she does.

Well anyway what do you think i should do? I love her so much and i just want her back so bad and i am scared i am going to lose her. Do you have any ideas of what i can do please help

Our Suggestion:
It really seems like you're taking a lot of the problems on yourself when she is causing most of them. Yes, you went to your family for the holidays. Most people do. Yes, she was upset. But she was hurt that you weren't there when she was upset? She could have saved up to pay for the tickets, or gotten a loan. She could have sat talking to you on the phone every night to get through her sadness. But for her to blame you for not being there is unreasonable.

So next you get back and she decides to move in with her mom instead of address the issues with you. Being a couple is about facing troubles together, and shouldering them together. It is not about racing off as soon as things get tough.

So now she is actually in the same town that you are in, and she deliberately avoids coming to see you. Which is something even *friends* would not do, never mind people who are more than friends. And then you don't even scold her for it. You just mention that it hurt you - which it of course did! And she gets MAD at you for mentioning this???

She needs a strong dose of reality here. A relationship is about TWO people who both give, who both support the relationship and each other. She sounds like she has been using and abusing you and is trying to see how much she can get away with. Yes, you love her. But loving someone is about helping them become a better person. If you let her keep getting away with this then she will treat not only you like dirt, but other people she meets too, and she is going to end up even unhappier. She needs to realize that if she DOES care about you, it's about time she actually showed it.

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