He Broke Up with me Badly

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Visitor's Question:
I recently went through a breakup and I dont understand at all what to do. I mean everything was going great. He had called me that day and told me that he loved me and was ready to see me and do Valentines. We were together for 11 months...almost a year. I was the first girl that he ever said that he loved.

Well that night we met up and from like 7 to 11 he hardly said anything to me.He said that he had to be home at 11, which was weird, but I took him to his car so he would be able to get there in time. When he left he just said bye and got out of the car. I knew something was wrong because he would never let me go anywhere without giving him a kiss. Well since we had been together for so long, our friends were practically the same people. So when he left I called one of his best friends crying. So his friend came and picked me up and took me to his house. Well while we were going to his house, my bf(at the time) called and said that he had left his cell phone that he needed it. So I told him that I would bring it to him later..and he said that he needed it now. Well at that time his friend got on the phone and asked him what he had done to me to make me cry like that. He said that he would come over and talk to him about it. So when I got to his house I went to his bedroom and was crying waiting for my boyfriend to get there.

Well he finally showed up and he told all of his friends that I was just like his mom and never let him do anything..well his friend ended up taking up for me and saying that he was always with them, and he was never with me. Which was the truth. By that time I was ready to leave because I couldnt beleive some of the things that he was saying about me, so I tried to leave. His friend wouldnt let me leave because he was afraid that I was going to go and do something stupid. Well all that went on from there before he left was us fighting and then he said that he had to go home.

Well when he left I called him and he said that he would call me tomorrow that he was at home and his parents needed to talk to him. So I said ok. Well I went home like at 12 and then a few min later, his friend called me and told me that my boyfriend was in town. So I got back into my car and went to town to find him because he lied to me and said that he had to go home. Well that night we ended up breaking up. Or so called, he said that he wanted a break. He told me that he loved me and he would always love me, but he didnt know if we were meant to be anymore. By that end of the night he said that he regretted being with me and things. He told me that he wanted a break for the time being but it didnt mean that it would stay like that.

Well now he has been talking alot of crap on me. His friends have chosen my side because of all the things that he said about me and things. They said that he is completely confused and they dont understand why he did it. He has made of alot of rumors about me. But he checks up on me all the time. Every guy that I talk to he goes and tells them that he is going to beat them up if they dont stop talking to them. But I dont understand if he hates me so much why would he care..and why would he check up on me all the time. Me and my friends catch him looking at me all the time. He doesnt even try to hide it. I'm so confused! I mean I really do love him. I asked him one day why we couldnt just be friends. And he said that he wanted to be. But he keeps talking about me and things. The only thing that I can come up with is that he cant handle being my friend. I dont know what to do!!! Is there anyway that he still cares for me but he just doesnt want me to think so.??????

Our Suggestion:
You really need to be honest here. Everything wasn't going great - if it was, then you wouldn't have broken up. If things were semi-OK he would have just kept going because that would be the easy thing to do. If he actively broke up with you then something was so seriously wrong that he would rather risk your anger and trouble to do the breakup vs just dealing with it. The fact that you didn't even know this was going on is a pretty serious indication that your level of communication was very low.

His being with his friends and his feeling that you treated him like a child are two completely different things. It's easy to dismiss how someone feels, but if he felt that way so seriously that he was ready to break up with you then it's important that you take him seriously.

He cares for you - but some of your personality traits apparently were like water torture. I'm not saying you are bad or good - or that his feelings are bad or good. But we have to be honest and say that all people are not meant for each other. A really quiet sedate girl wouldn't be happy with a loud, boisterous guy. Both types are fine - they just don't go well together. You need to sit down with him and have a serious talk. You can't cry or pout or anything. You have to be mature and prove that you are capable of communicating. Tell him that you really want to understand what went wrong so you can move forward with your life. Let him talk about anything that bothers him. Don't rebut, just listen. When you two are done, hopefully if nothing else you have proven that you CAN listen to information without having a fit. Then think about what he said for a week or two, and from then, begin working on a new friendship plan that takes his concerns into account.

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