He's Looking Up Local Girls

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Visitor's Question:
I have been dating this guy for 1 1/2 now we have had our troubles but have lived together for the past year. We have been working really hard and making this realtionship great and it was.

Until last night, I found he had been looking at profiles of girls in our area on the internet. It crushed me. It was really bad when he told me he had been doing for the past 1 1/2 and he thought he was fixing the problem. he says he started it in bw me and his last girlfriend and thought he would always be alone. when he met me it slowed down he never talks to them or anything. he says he has a problem and was trying to fix it on his own bc he is ashamed.

I dont trust him now bc he lied to me for a yr about it. when i would get mad bc he would delete the internet history he made me feel as if i was psycho and untrusting when i really had a reason to be paranoid. Please help! I love him and have agreed to try to fix this but I juist dont know!!!!

Our Suggestion:
Wow, that's a hard thing to deal with. Trust is THE most important thing in any relationship, and he has been actively "looking for another option" pretty much your entire time together! Sure, he hasn't contacted anybody, but maybe that was only because nobody else struck him as great for him. What if he HAD found a great girl - would he have abandoned you and run off with him?

Obviously his self help attempt isn't working if he hasn't stopped after an entire year! It's time for him to talk to a therapist and get some real help. Obviously his intention is to keep lying to you because it suits his lifestyle. That is NOT good. Either he makes a serious attempt to get this under control and fixed, or how are you supposed to trust him? How are you supposed to put the time and energy into this relationship, making sacrifices and spending your precious hours on him, when you always suspect he is spending HIS time off searching for other women? Why isn't he spending this copious free time on YOU or your home or relationship??

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