He Lies All the Time Now

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Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. Our relationship had been great. We were best friends, loved eachother and eachothers families, and always had SO much fun together.

Well we had started arguing a little bit and then started doubting whether we were together because we should be together or were together because we'd always been together, so we decided to go on our own for a little while. Well, after about a month we decided to start hanging out again.

Lately, I have been catching him in little lies. Not big things, just stupid things that he thinks might make me upset with him so he just lies about them. The lies are not concerning other girls or anything like that. Well, the last time I caught him in a lie, I told him that was it. It's over. I told him I didn't deserve this and that he was being selfish by lieing to me.

I don't want him to think it is ok and if i go right back to him i think he will not understand that lying about anything is a big deal to me. We are both still very much in love but I just don't know what to do from here. Can you help?

Our Suggestion:
You are completely right here - if you can't trust him to be honest about the little things, how can you ever trust him with bigger things? Little things are the little tests in life. If he can't even be honest about those meaningless little things, then if he ever cheats or gets into serious problems, what will he do? He'll lie of course, because it's already proven to work. Liars always have excuses. Liars are always wrong in lying, no matter what excuse they invent.

Either he makes an extremely serious commitment to changing his behavior, or I would really suggest loving him as a brother and finding another person to date. You can love someone while still knowing that it is impossible to be with them seriously as a partner. You can't have a partner that is untrustable. Your life - and the lives of those you love - may depend on him.

--Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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