I Tried to be Nice, She Became Mean

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Visitor's Question:
It's difficult to put this in a few sentences, but I'll give it a try. I was with her for approx 3 months, 3 supercool, funny, easygoing months, b4 it ended. Most of the ending was my fault, which I fully recognize and understand. Taking her for granted, not giving what she deserved, being too afraid to just relax and enjoy it...

Now here's where we are... We gave it another try after I commited fully and let her know all of the abovementioned mistakes and wrongs, with continuous efforts to improve in all areas of our relationship. It lasted about a week, until I realized that the roles had reversed. She became what I was, and I became the hurting side.

Now we are apart, me with my pain and she... she seems so cold and arrogant everytime I try to talk to her, taking advantage of my all-time-low selfconfidence, and in general, she does not acknowledge any responsibility for anything.

I don't know what to specifically ask you. I want the 'old' her back, but it seems that she only liked me when I was a selfish son of a... now that I have the will to change, it's the other way around. I'm having trouble understanding the utter sillyness of these actions and also getting over her, as she is now. It would be nice to hear an opinion from a female's perspective, so plz let me know who's writing. Thanks.

Our Suggestion:
First, yes, I'm female. I think what happened here is in essence that you caused her to change and now you regret that change, but in life you can never go backwards.

Let's look at what happened. In the beginning, she was sweet and kind. You misused her and betrayed her trust. She became cynical about love and after 3 months things broke up. That's a long time for her anger to build.

You tried to apologize and she gave in - but remember, this was a girl who was hurt enough to call things quits. She probably had a lot of anger and resentment against you at that point for the things you'd done. So being back with you for that week wasn't a "fresh start" by any stretch of the imagination. If anything, it was probably her chance to get even with you for what you'd done to her, her chance to give you a dose of your own medicine.

It's not that she liked you *because* you were selfish! You guys broke up because of that. It's that the damage done by the 3 months together was so severe that it couldn't just instantaneously heal in a short week.

I would give this a few weeks to settle down. Then, if you want, start by being friends with her again and show her that you respect and trust her. People can definitely reforge bonds that are far better when they learn from their mistakes. But repairing trust takes time. If you take that path, be very patient.

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