Getting Back at an Evil B#tch

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Visitor's Question:
okay, i've had a a crush on this girl for the past year and we talked once the she turned out to be a total bitch not talking to me for the rest of the year. Then she finally said hi and explained the reason why she didnt talk to me before is because she was teaching me a lesson, well learned it.

i never fully stoped liking her, and all her friends said don't waste your time get over her, so i tried, and right when i thought i was, she asked me out on a date. So we just went out a couple of weeks ago and we had a great time. Then we met up a couple of days later and had a romantic night together, but we didnt sleep together or anything. Then she didnt call and we didnt talk for about one week, i tried calling but her phone was always off, then the other night she called me and said she didnt want to continue this becasue even though it was perfect, she didnt want to hurt me in the long run and she thought it would be better if we were just friends.

i am now totally over her, but she really hurt me, twice, so i want to get her back for hurting me so much, what can i do and what should i do?

Our Suggestion:
OK, first I understand your feelings COMPLETELY. This girl was really nasty, deliberately nasty, and was playing head games with you. Which is about as slimy as you can get. People have enough problems in life without someone going out of their way intentionally to harm you.

However, revenge rarely works as well as you would hope it would. And in a way it makes you just as bad as the person who harmed you, because you are now also capable of deliberately causing harm to someone because you chose to. Sure, you have 'good reasons'. But she feels she had 'good reasons' for harming you to start with too. Good reasons that cause bad results are rarely any good.

That being said, one of the best revenges is living well. She got delight from seeing you suffer. That was her 'payback'. So give her the 'anti-payback' of NOT suffering. Make sure whenever she sees you that you are happy and having fun. If you look over at her, go, "Oh, hi," as if she was an OK person, but certainly not anybody you actually would give a lot of thought to. Don't just ignore her, because then she'll rationalize that you didn't see her or were trying to hide your hurt. Show her you DID see her, and you knew who she was, but she wasn't more than some sort of a passing thought in your great world. And now she'll be INCREDIBLY jealous that you are so happy, that she isn't (if she was, she wouldn't spend her time hurting others) and that she can't affect you any more.

If you want to get even more into a frenzy about 'see what you missed', find out what her favorite hobbies are. And then find ways to show her that you were actually interested in them. Let's say she loves a certain band, and you had gone to see them. Make sure you say to her when you pass by her, "Oh, did you go to see XXXX in concert last fall? They were great, weren't they? Such an awesome show. I'm going to get tickets the next time too. See ya." Remind her that you really were someone she probably would have had fun with, if only she hadn't been such a jerk. That she probably lost out on a free invitation to her favorite band. If you're going to see her favorite movie, be sure to mention it and how much fun you'll have.

And of course, if she does start to try to be nice, probably to get her hands on these tickets, treat her in a dismissive manner. "Oh, that's nice that you want to chat. Sorry, but I have other things to do, have a good day." Don't be *mean* to her. Don't give her reason to feel like she's the injured party. Just be "not really paying much attention" to her, because she's really not that important in your life. If she asks to go with you to somewhere, say "sorry I'm already going with someone." Make her realize that you have a full life and world, and she's just not part of it.

It really usually backfires if you're openly nasty to someone. And it hurts you, too, both your reputation and how you think about yourself. Just be pleasant but dismissive, and if she enjoyed having control over you, her loss of control will drive her more insane than you could have.

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