He Lies and Denies

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Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
HI, I HAD DATED A GUY FOR ABOUT 2 YEARS AND THEN ON AND OFF FOR ANOTHER. WE FINALLY BROKE UP FOR GOOD RIGHT BEFORE HE CAME HOME FOR SUMMER BREAK. WELL WITHIN THE NEXT MONTH I MET ANOTHER GUY AND STARTED SEEING HIM TO TRY AND GET COMPLETEY OVER MY EX. BUT THAT NEVER HAPPENED. A FEW MONTHS AFTER THE BREAK UP MY EX STARTED EMAILING ME. HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND AND KNEW I HAD A BOYFRIEND ALSO. HE KEPT ASKING TO MEET ME IN SEVERAL EMAILS BUT I TRIED TO PUT IT OFF. I WASNT SURE WHAT HE WANTED.

I SEEN HIM AT THE BAR ONE NIGHT AND HE WAS ALL OVER ME, TELLING ME HOW MUCH HE MISSED ME AND NEEDED ME BACK...I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST SAYING THAT CAUSE HE WAS DRUNK..BUT STILL THE EMAILS CONTINUED. EVEN THOUGH WE WERE BOTH SEEING SOMEONE ELSE? FINALLY I GAVE INTO HIS EMAILS AND MET HIM. HE TOLD ME AGAIN HOW HE WANTED TO BE WITH ME AND TO NOT GET MARRIED TO THE GUY I WAS SEEING. HE SAID HE COULD SEE US MARRIED IN A FEW YEARS. WE MET ABOUT 7 TIMES. WHEN WE MET WE HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS ALSO.

THE OTHER NIGHT I WAS OUT AND I RAN INTO HIS GIRLFRIEND AND I TOLD HER EVERYTHING. I JUST FELT SO GUILTY. SHE WANTED TO SEE THE EMAILS AND SO I SHOWED HER. SHE PRINTED A FEW AND CONFRONTED HIM. HE DENIED EVERYTHING..HE SAID I MUST HAVE GOT ACCESS TO HIS ACCOUNT AND MAILED THEM TO MYSELF. THE BAD PART IS SHE BELIEVES HIM AND SO DOES HIS FAMILY. I LOOK LIKE A CRAZY PERSON OR SOMETHING. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT SOMEONE THINKS ABOUT THE SITUATION. WHY WOULD HE SEND THESE EMAILS FOR ABOUT 10 MONTHS, MEET ME, HAVE SEX, TELL ME HOW MUCH HE MISSES ME AND THEN COMPLETELY DENY IT ALL? I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE IS THINKING BUT I DONT THINK I WILL EVER FIND OUT? ANY IDEAS?

Our Suggestion:
It sounds like he was doing the traditional 'keep 2 girls going and have the fun of both of them until you decide which one you want to keep' routine. And when you rained on his parade and made him HAVE to choose one, he not only chose the other woman, but he was slimy and LIED about everything instead of telling her the truth. He's proven to you that he can't be trusted because not only did he lie, he actively harmed you in his lies.

Just what kind of a mail account does this guy have? If it's a hotmail account or something, I suppose he could claim that. But if it was a work or home account, all of those trace the IP address of the sender. Meaning that you would have somehow had to break into his home system to send yourself mail. Which is really bizarre for him to even try to claim.

I would make up a list of places you guys met, and the dates, and mail that to the other woman. If you have receipts from any of the dinners, mail xeroxes of those. Let's see him make up an excuse for every single time. Then tell her that she can have him if she wants, becuase you would never trust him again with his lying. That's about all you can do. And then let it be.

You know better now, that this guy is pure slime and wouldn't take responsibility for what HE dragged you into. If this girl wants to stay with him even though he lies to her, that's her own choice. But it's going to hurt HER in the end, because someone who lies like that doesn't just "stop". And think of it this way - now you have full proof of how bad he is, which is FAR better to know now rather than when you're married to him. So it's actually good this came out now. Avoid him, avoid his family, and let them lead their lying lives. You can live your own, and know you did the right thing.

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