whilst he was away he kissed some other girl.

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Visitor's Question:
Hi,

I have been with my boyfriend about 3 months, we are both 17. About a month into the relationship he went away on a revision course for 11 days, and whilst he was away he kissed some other girl. I really felt so hurt, it made me feel sick. I cared about him a lot, and I could see how upset he was over it too... he was really drunk, so i decided to stay with him and give him one last chance. I know he would never cheat on me again. He would'nt. I really trust him now. But I still have a jealousy problem.Well... I would'nt call it that...I have just become slightly paranoid. For example, if we talk on the phone, and we say 'bye' I always want to know when we will next talk to each other... I HAVE to know.. or I get upset... Another example is that I often put words in his mouth, about me... I'm just really insecure. And the other night, we were walking home and he was in a really bad mood, and he wanted to go back to his instead of staying at mine, but I was so desperate to spend more time with him.

I just sometimes get this feeling he does'nt care as much as me, only I would NEVER say that to him because it would just make the situation so much worse. Then other times he really acts like he cares. He goes through waves. Only, perhaps he does'nt go through waves, it's probably just me. I hate being this clingy paranoid thing. I hate it. I just want to get over it and relax and enjoy the time i spend with him.

PLease help.
x

I think it is all related to past experiences, more recently the fact he cheated on me... We have talked about this... but he always says there is'nt anything he can do. I suppose he is right. And eveytime we talk about it, it just becomes a bigger and bigger issue.

I really have to get over this. I don't want it to ruin our relationship. I really love him. I know he loves me too. I just want to feel relaxed. I would really really appreciate any advice.

Our Suggestion:
You need to learn to trust that he will be there for you. It seems to me like you're always afraid he'll leave you, which you've learned is not the case but getting it through to your feelings is another matter. You can learn to not be upset by reminding yourself that he loves you, that he'll be there for you, that he's not leaving you. You know those to be true, so it's just a matter of repeating it to yourself.

You need to learn to have faith in yourself and your confidence about the relationship. He's there with you, he's going to stay with you. Trust it.

Good luck!

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