everything was a fairy tale.

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Visitor's Question:
I dated this guy for two years....it was a very serious relationship and we were madly and completely in love with each other...I trust him, I love him, and I confide in him. We had this great relationship between ourselves, but also had relationships with our other friends and had our seperate lives away from each other. I don't really believe in love at first site, but after a month of dating him and getting to know everything about him, I knew he was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and there was no doubt in my mind, and the cool thing was that he felt the exact same way as me. We fell madly in love with each other and everything was a fairy tale....and even after every fight, and every disagreement, we found ways to compromise and always be considerate of each others feelings. About a month ago we got into a huge blowout and we broke up. I had already had plans to move, but this break-up just made the move faster. Now we live 3 hours away from each other. He lives with one of my best guy friends, and it's really hard because I feel like I can't go over there, or hang out with my friend. One night I called him to see if he would be okay with me coming over to hang out, only because I wanted to respect his feelings.....he never called me back that day, but he called the next day. We ended up playing phone tag, and then finally he called and we talked for about 20 minutes, but nothing really came up. After that we didn't talk at all. I was talking to my friend on that phone that he lives with and my ex started saying really mean things in the background. I was really glad that my friend did say something to him, and the next day I recieved a text message on my cell phone from him saying that he was sorry. I wrote him back and thanked him for apologizing to me and told him that I was always going to be here for him if he ever needed anything he can always call. He called me later that night and we talked for about a half an hour, and at the end of the conversation he told me he would call me tomorrow and we could set up a time to have lunch. Well, I'm not at home right now where he lives, but I'm planning a visit home this weekend for the 4th. I told him I'd be home till wednesday if he wanted to have lunch we could do that. I don't know how to handle this and I don't know what he really wants. All I do now is that this person has told me that I'm the love of his life and not matter what happens that is what I'll always be to him....he's also told me that I'm the only person that he can act goofy or silly around without thinking I'll think he's stupid, and that I'm just the best thing that's ever happened to him. I want him back so bad, and I know that if we got back together it could really be something great, but I don't know if he feels the same way, but I don't want to seem overbearing to him, and seem like I'm suffocating him ....how can I do this, and how do I find out what he wants. I know that talking is the only way that anything will get done, but I just don't know how to go about it. And I don't want to push him away from me. PLEASE HELP.........I am 18 and he is 20

Our Suggestion:
Hi,

If he calls you to get together, just simply ask him what he would like to do about the situation. Don't ask him the minute you see him, wait until you're both sitting at a table or something. A nice, simple, unaccusing question will do.

I imagine he does want to get back with you. All the terrible things he was saying in the background was his way of expressing his frustration at the break-up, you and himself.

If you guys do get back together, and I hope you do, you must figure out not only what the cause of this last big fight was, but all the others. A lot of fighting isn't healthy. If something bothers you, don't hold it in and let it get built up, let him know tactfully in the moment. If the time isn't right, let him know a little later. Don't wait until right before you are going to sleep, etc. And when you do tell him, be respectful and let him know he can do the same with you.

Best wishes,
Marc

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