is this what depression and alcohol problems do to relationships?

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Visitor's Question:
I have been with my partner for 2 years. My partner has a big problem with depression and drinking. It got to the stage that over the last 8 months all we were doing was arguing. There was no fun. But yet we stayed together. He wont stop drinking and hes so very unhappy. It didn't help that i got mad when he wanted to go out. that was more because it was around 4 nights a week he was doing that and getting so nasty and agressive when he got home. Anything would start an argument. We split up last weekend. We thought it was for the best but its been three days and we are talking again. We can't let each other go. I guess my question is that my partner has admitted he has a problem and wants to get help, he wants to do it for me and more, himself. We are in the process now of moving out of our house and sorting out financial things. Do you I move back in there and give him and us another chance to work? Is it wrong to leave him when hes like this? I will always be there for him but im scared of the outcome, is this what depression and alcohol problems do to relationships? Im so confused? We've lived together for so long and right now we're seeing each other everynite again then going seperate ways at night. Is this wrong? Shall we just leave it all together? I don't know?
Are we staying together for the sake of it because we don't want to be alone?



Our Suggestion:
Facing depression is always a very tough situation. The alcohol abuse is most likely a slap-dash effort to combat the depression. Unfortunately, it doesn't work, but it's a temporary fix. But it ruined your relationship. So it has to go.

I do -not- think that it's time for the two of you to get back together. I think that if you want to be a supportive friend, that is a wonderful thing. He will need your support. But I think that he needs to face and conquer his demons first before he can focus on a relationship. He can't be any good for you until he's got it all together for himself. Let him go through counselling and get on some good anti-depressants, and you will see a wonderful change in him. And only after he's stabilized, only then should the two of you discuss moving back in with each other.

I wish you the best.
Jenn




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