I Kissed my Coworker

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Visitor's Question:
I work at a bar on the weekends to make some side money, and i have so much fun there. I get a lot of attention from the guys who work there, and i flirt back. Im 19 and have a 22 year old boyfriend who just graduated from my college, and it's been hard for us to not fight. I think it's because im a little immature and i need to see him more in order to be totally happy. I do care about him a lot though.

Basically this past weekend he was at the beach and i had work, and after work everyone stays and drinks, well i stayed too and was having a really good time. There is this certian bar tender who gives me a lot of attention and we get along really well and im afraid it all goes to my head. Well the whole night he was toutching me a little too much but i liked it. Once we all left, we were standing in the parking lot and we kissed... nothing more, but it was a big long kiss. Well afterwards we talked about this and he told me he was married and had 3 kids. WOW i was quite shocked. He told me life was too short to not have kissed me because he has wanted too and didn't want to regret not kissing me. And it was only a kiss and it wasn't a big deal.

Well i think otherwise, but i don't know what to do. We both decided that it was a bad idea (thank God it didn't lead to anything else) to do it again... but it's not like we won't ever be in the same situation, now that i know he's married i think the kissing is done, but the flirting... maybe not. Since the whole thing happend i have been thinking it was something i needed to get out of my system, but i love the attention, and when i barely see my boyfriend... it goes to my head. Im also afraid of what the other people who work there will think. (I'm not stupid and i know people talk) I just can't belive a happily married man would want to kiss a 19 year old. I wish he had told me. I don't know how to handle this, or if i should tell my boyfriend. I feel terrible what i did. But if he wasn't married i wouldn't have felt as bad. I don't know what to do.
help!

Our Suggestion:
I have to agree with you completely on this. If he was happily married and respected his wife, he would have exercised self control and not have kissed you. Instead he caved in for his own selfish pleasures and did something disprespectful. Of course people will find out about it - and now he has not only damaged your reputation but also his wife's. How will she feel when she finds out what happened? That was a really nasty situation for him to put you into, just because he "felt like it".

If you and your boyfriend are fighting, that's not good either. A relationship should be about two people who respect and care for each other and support each other. It shouldn't be about two people who yell at each other and who make demands of each other in order to feel happy. You both should be together because you ARE happy - not because you want the other person to MAKE you happy.

I would really hold back from this guy at work who is apparently quite happy to use you. He's not going to change. I would also put some serious effort into spending more time with your boyfriend and building that relationship up. If you just let it go, it is going to fall apart, and you'll be unhappy.

-- Lisa

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