He Wants his Ring Back

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Visitor's Question:
Me and my ex-fiance broke up two years ago. I got out of the Navy to go live with him after he left my command in Florida and he was stationed in California. He asked me to get out of the Navy to be with him because he NEEDED me there. After the discharge, he broke up with me and instead of going to live with him in California I had to go back home in Indiana.

He is now asking me to send him back the ring he bought. Shouldn't I have rightful ownership? It's been 2 years and I guess it isn't paid off. I paid $62 out of $540. Can he try to take me to court to get it back?

Our Suggestion:
You're looking at the ring as a free present he gave you. It wasn't. It was his "deposit" on a lifelong commitment that the two of you were going to have together. Remember the tradition of the engagement ring? The whole reason the GUY gives the ring is that the GIRL and her family give him a giant dowry. When they are married, the two even out.

But now you want the ring, and he doesn't get the dowry. That's not very fair. You both went into the engagement expecting the best. Yes, things didn't work out, but if that was the case it was best for BOTH of you that you then separate. You certainly wouldn't want to be married to a guy that was unhappy - it would make you unhappy too! So the end result is good for you both.

Now that there is no wedding, the ring should go back to him, and all other things should be split equally. Yes, he should pay you the $62 you put into the ring. But other than that, the ring is his.

Think of it in this way. Say that your mother had a silver chalice that every person in her family for 3 generations had used to drink the wedding wine from. And say your mom gave it to him to safe-keep until the wedding, with the expectation that this was a "wedding gift" for you two to carry on the tradition. Wouldn't you expect the goblet back when you two split up? The gift wasn't for HIM. It was for the WEDDING.

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