He needs professional help

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Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
My question is about lying. I researched your site and there is a lot about certain things but I couldn't find what I was looking for. I have a great partner in the sense that I think he is a good person at heart, but may have his own personal issues from the past. I have recently come to find out that I think he may be lying but not know that he is. A little about his past is that he was once diagnost with being schizoaffective and also depressed. Now this was about 3 1/2 years ago before I met him. He had gone through a divorce, because he says his wife cheated. About six months later tried to commit suicide. He then went through rehab was diagnost and about 6 months later met me. He was an alcoholic and had a history of drug problems with cocaine and possible others. Treatment was not very effective since when I met him he drank about a bottle of boose a day. I told him that I was not interested in him if he was going to continue to drink. We were friends at first and shortly after fell for one another. I got pregnant and we had only been together about four months. He was the perfect person. Things had gone well for a year until we had many stressers in life. Tried our own business, moved three times, dealt with child being very sick, lost jobs, getting pregnant again, not enough money the list goes on. Now I am a stay home mom who has a lot of time to think. I found out that he has lied about a few things. Things that would make me think badly of him. Which he is a person who needs acceptance and I would not accept his behavior, which is why denies any of it. Now I am positive that he is lying about having people over when I was away from home for a month. He denies my proof. I care that his is lying, but I don't know what to do because I am living the life I want right now. I have a father for my kids, money, nice house and I am going to go back to finish school. So I don't want to leave even though he is lying. I also still love him, but am angry that he is not honest even when I am very straight forward about all of my concerns. Now we have had a disagreement about the color of a shirt on a character in a movie. Now I was right and I knew it and later when we did find out the color he said that he was the one who was right. Now at first I thought maybe I am did say the other color, but thought about the day and knew for sure that I was right. I laughed it off but questioned how could he forget? He also looked at me and said that maybe I am going crazy. Now it happened again about the clock in our room. I asked him why it is 20 minutes fast and he said no it is only ten. Well, I said why is this show on still 15 minutes past the hour? He said maybe it is on until half past. Well the weird thing is now a week or so later he asks me why the clock is only ten minutes fast and if I changed it. I said no and said I thought it was only ten minutes fast. He says no I always have it set 20 minutes fast so I can press snooze a few times to help wake me up for work. Now the story is opposite. I have noticed this latley about many things, simple issues. He is always convinced that he is right. No matter what he always thinks he is right. I don't even argue because it is pointless. He can't hold a job for over 9 months because he always thinks people are out to get him or don't approve of what he wants. When he doesnt get his way he gives up. He is a great worker and tries real hard to make people happy. Days are like riding a roller coaster. One day things are great and he glows and the next he is conviced he needs a new job. I am starting to wonder if he is going a little crazy. He works about 14 hours a day lately because of lack of staff. Do you have any advice? Maybe other sites about disorders? Do you hear about this often? In your OPIONION, do you think maybe it is just a clever cover up to the lies that I have caught him in? Sometimes I think he may be that smart. Other times I think either he is crazy or I am losing my mind. Any suggestions?

Our Suggestion:
You haven't lost your mind, but he is close to it. He needs to see a therapist very soon because it doesn't sound like it is getting any better. Tell him that you thought he needed help but that he refused to go. He will deny it and say that he wants to go. Fight fire with fire, in other words.

In any case, he needs professional help and you are fine. And, I don't think he is being clever... and if he is, he still needs help for doing that.

Happy holidays!
George

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