I'm Jealous over my Ex's Wife

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Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
Why am i jealous of my ex's wife? I can't stand the sight of my ex. He married an overweight woman who is filthy rich. They have so much money and "things"...it makes me sick. why? why do i even care about what they "have"?

Our Suggestion:
I know it may seem really strange, but how you feel is EXACTLY how most people feel when they break up. When you break up with someone, it's because you don't want to be with them any more. Sometimes it's just mild "it's not right". Sometimes it is very strong "I HATE YOU!!" sorts of feelings. But you don't want them in your life any more.

A strong part of that feeling is a "I can do better than this guy" feeling. That he is not right for you and that someone out there IS right for you.

So it can be very upsetting to see this guy - who annoyed you and who took away from *your* happiness - to then end up with someone that makes googly-eyes at his annoying habits and is quite happy with him. It then feels even worse when now they have things YOU never had - a bigger house, a fancy car, going on trips and having fun. You start to think, "hey, *I* never had those things with him. And now HE'S the happy one getting all of this? HE'S the one enjoying life after our breakup, and what do *I* have??"

In a way, you want him to be sad about the breakup. To miss you! To be unhappy and realize just how much he DID have with you before he went and screwed it all up. To be properly regretful, and to work on becoming a better person to make up for it. Of course, life is rarely like that :)

So anyway, what to do. A lot of it comes down to how you perceive your own life vs how you perceive his. If you had hooked up with a handsome millionaire who adored you and were jet-setting all over the world, then even if he was with his wealthy honey, you probably wouldn't have minded. You would look at him and say "So, he got her. Look at the soulmate *I* found!" But I'm guessing that you're not feeling like you have found your perfect soulmate, and therefore for him to have found a woman he enjoys and has cash seems unfair.

You need to concentrate on really appreciating what you have. A lot of why what he has upsets you is that it seems "better" than what you have. You can't change his life. So look at your own life. It probably is actually much better now than when you were with him. You have more time to do things you enjoy. Or at least you enjoy the things you do more because he's not around :)

Make time for yourself, do things you love, be with people you love. Realize just how truly special those things are. Sure, he may have cash. But I know many, many wealthy people who are miserable. Buying items may be a quick-fix, but I wonder if that woman worries that the only reason your ex is with her is for her money, and not for what she is. That's a pretty nasty feeling and can eat you up inside. I wonder if he DID marry her for her money and doesn't like her as a person. It's a pretty nasty feeling to live with someone day and night that you dislike, just because you "need" their money. So in many, many ways you are probably much better off than either of them are.

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