He wouldn't open up to me

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Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
I have had a horrible life and it has made me a terribly depressed individual. I met a guy who I adored (and still do). I knew him for a year and about 7 months before we started dating, but we didn't know each other that well. I would get mad because he wouldn't open up to me and he was my first boyfriend at 19 years old, he was 20. He expected me to tell my feelings, but he never really told me his. At first we were great. I had never been kissed and never had any romance really. He knew I was a virgin and planned on staying that way and he never tried forcing me. He paid so much attention to me for the first week or so, then he had to work a lot and when he didn't work, which was like a few days in a row, he hung out with his friends more than me. I got upset and didn't tell him that it bothered me in the way I should of and he would get mad and not talk to me. And when I was depressed he seemed to be mad at me, but he said it was him just being sad that he couldn't do anything about it, to make it better. He broke up with me about 4 days ago and did it through a text message after 1 year of friendship and 1 month and 3 weeks of being boyfriend and girlfriend. 2 days later I asked him for a reason and he said in a message,"It's not something you did, it's who you are. You are lovely, but not meant for me. I hope you can understand". I was distraught, so I sent him lots of messages he didn't answer that may have been a little too clingy sounding. On the third day, I told him that I didn't want any animosity between us and that I was trying to be happy for me and that I was over the depression(which is true, it took losing him to realize what I was doing to myself) and that I definately wanted to remain his friend. He replied with a Thank You and we are friends, but still won't talk to me through voice contact. I know within the depths of my heart that I could make him so happy and he definately makes me ecstatic. Is there any hope, any fixing this? I'm ready to move on if I have to, but my heart doesn't want to close this door and I can't stand the thought of him being with someone else because I know that I can make him feel incredible. I want to show him the real me hidden under my fears and depression. How can I get him to see? I desperately need some help. I feel a lot better now, but I don't want to miss out on what could be the best thing that comes out of my life. Please help me.

Our Suggestion:
You are probably trying to figure things out too fast.

You were friends for only a year, and bf/gf for only one month and three weeks, and you have been broken up for only four days.

It takes longer than this for real emotions to develop and for two individuals to meld into one.

My advice is to contact him by phone once a week for a 15 min call to ask him how he is doing, to let him know you still care, and to maintain contact. Be cheerful and don't talk about your relationship.

This will give him space he probably needs, and give you the contact you need.

Hope this helps some! George

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