I decided to come clean to my girlfriend

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Visitor's Question:
My situation is that when I was 18 I went to medical school � I had always wanted to be a doctor. However I lived at the time alone with my mom and I am an only child. I basically found living away from home difficult � but I tried to stick out the course but it wasn�t working and I was thrown out of medschool. However I then did well in my next degree and was advised not to mention that I went to medschool before to get in again to another med school. I lied on the form and got in. Funding was difficult and my mom said she would only fund me if I covered up the 5 years I spent at medschool before and didn�t tell anyone at my new medschool I had been to medschool before.

This was all well and good until halfway through my studies at my new medschool I met the girl of my dreams. Not wanting to break my lie I lied to her about my age and the fact I went to med school before. I had always wanted to be a doctor and I was so upset when my med school career didn�t work out the first time and if the new medschool found out I lied it would be the end of my career. It was a tough secret to bear on my own let alone for my girlfriend to have to bear it too.

Anyway my girlfriend age 21 is shy and her dad cheated on her mum and it took us 14 and a half months of emailing as friends before we got together.

5 and a half months into the relationship I decided to tell her my age 30 not 25. She nearly broke up with me, it took us 4 months to get back to normal. However at the time she asked if I had told her everything. For fear of losing my career if anyone found out I didn�t tell her about going to medschool before.

I then qualified as a doctor and we have been together 2 years now and were planning on getting a house together.

However whilst I was working I was found out about lying on my application form to medschool and now I am being fired from work.

I decided to come clean to my girlfriend about going to medschool before and she broke up with me. Saying I promised when I told her my age that that was everything and I lied again and didn�t trust her enough to tell her. She said she no longer trusted me and asked me when I was going to tell her about going to medschool before. She said it all showed my desire to do medicine and that its not like I lied to her about anything else and that she understood everything. But that I have had my second chance.

She broke up with me the night before a really important meeting about me keeping my job � but I know she must be so hurt.

Before we went out we became best friends and she said we�ll still be friends and she�ll respond to emails.

Losing my career right now is the worst time of my life just when I needed her the most. I know I lied to her but this was a secret and burden that she would have had to keep from everyone. All I wanted to do was after the pain of having my career ended when I was younger just to start a new life as a doctor with her because I love her and didn�t want her to have to carry this secret with her like I had to.

I have now been completely honest with her and everyone. I cant bear to be without her. Is there anything I can do?

Our Suggestion:
I think you were right in not telling her about your previous medschool. Not only would it be a pressure on her, it might have caused the secret to come out.

Well the secret is out now and that may mean that you can't get employed as a doctor. If so, this may be part of why she broke up with you... she was disappointed that she would not be a doctor's wife.

You want to know how to get her back and the news isn't very good. You have probably tried everything you could think of to get her back already. So there isn't much left for me to say except that you should keep trying. Remain her best friend and let her know how you feel but don't dwell on your relationship. This will give her some space and you some contact which you both need. Buy her small friendship gifts every so often, that might help.

Good luck and you have my sympathy! George

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