Dating for six months, my gf is confused
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I have known this girl for about a year. I have been dating her for about 6mo and I love her to death.
Recently we had our first fight. I have been really open in the relationship. She has been distant or closed. Our fight was about that. I tell her all the time how much she means to me and she never says anything to me. So I finally get an answer out of her and it was an odd answer. She came from a home where her dad was a deadbeat but her mom was great. Her parents are divorced and she lives with her mother. Her mother adores me. The answer she gave me is I am everything she wants I am the kind of guy she would marry but she isn't sure how she feels. She knows she cares for me but she isn't sure if she wants to get serious with me. This is basically what I got from the jibberish she said. Her words were jumbled when she talked to me about it.
It made sense to me when she said it now I am puzzled. The one thing she said that really bothers me is "I don't want to make a mistake and regret it a month from now. I decide one thing and then another sways my thoughts. Then I see you and it sways again."
Any ideas on how this should sound? I really don't want to lose her as my gf because she is all I ever wanted. She is my best friend in the world so I will continue to be friends. I realize what is going to happen will and there is nothing I can do but if I can understand it maybe that will help me. Is there any advice or can you translate any of that for me? Thanx in advance for your help.
To be talking about marriage at six months is a bit premature, no wonder she's confused! It's easy to get swept up in all the "new love" feelings. Those first months of dating are a whirlwind of passionate feelings and strong emotions. But it takes much longer than that to really get to know someone, to understand them, to see past the 'shiny rosy glasses' to the real person inside. To really know and understand their bad side, the cranky side, the things that drive you insane and that you come to terms with anyway.
So what I'm saying is that she's being very reasonable in taking her time. There is never any reason to race into anything. Life lasts a long, long time. A few months are a drop in the bucket compared to decades and decades of life together. So don't push her. Give her time. The most important thing two people can possibly be, and the foundation of every great relationship, is to be best friends. Be her best friend and really listen.
She's already told you that she has no basis, in her world, for a happy male-female relationship. That to trust is very scary to her. So show her you aren't going to push her, you aren't going to run away either. You'll be there for her, listen to her, help her to grow to trust you over time. Relationships don't spring up in a few months, the grow, slowly, tenderly, over long periods of time. Give you two the time to really build that trust.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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