We're Bored and Taking a Break

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Hi i recently broke up with my girlfriend of a little over a year, we had both been talking about and understood how things just didnt seem the same and how we were definately getting a little bored of each other.

I still talk to her usally twice a day but i have proposed and agreed that we should see other people for a little while being that this was the longest relationship either of us had ever had.

We always have fun when we are together and we are still there for each other and we love each other very much it's just the fact that taking a break from each other seems like the logical thing to do if we are experiencing boredom. We always hung out 1 on 1 and we rarely saw friends and i think that this is what got us into the position we are in today.

When we talk about getting back together she still says that she isn't fully positive if we should or not. Do you think that she is just going through an awkward period in her life right now because that's the way it seems. Everything was fine up until about a month ago. Should i give her time to breath and experience life or just move on?

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RomanceClass.com Advice
You need to ask yourself a serious question here. Just why do you think it's normal to abandon a relationship when you sense trouble? The whole point of relationships is that you are dedicated to each other and work on things. If you start to have issues, you work on them. You don't say "Oh well see ya later, maybe it'll work out next time."

So of COURSE if you start to do things apart, you get drawn apart, and if you start to date other people, you start to fall in love with other people. It's the way life works. The way relationships work is if you both actively put time and energy into them. If you put time and energy into other things, they fall apart.

If you guys were ignoring friends, then yes, that can cause trouble. But the solution is to then start spending more time with friends AND to work on the relationship. The solution isn't to abandon each other and hope that someday you get back to each other. A good relationship is too precious to just throw into the wind and say "Oh well maybe someday we'll run across each other again."

What got you into the position you are in today is that you had a problem and threw up your hands. You didn't work on it. You let a small hurdle blow you apart. Life is full of TONS of hurdles. There are far more serious problems in life than boredom. Boredom can be solved easily! But you guys didn't try to solve it, you abandoned each other. And if she gives in in a month and says "ok I'll date you again" what happens when you guys get bored again? She's going to run off and date other guys? And what happens when she finds another guy that is fun and decides not to come back?

If she's not happy with the thought of being with you, ask her WHY. Then actively work on making things work. Life isn't about things happening to you while you watch TV. Life is about you making things happen because you care about them and actively work on them.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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