Hello & welcome SDG smile

This is a complex situation, so I'll 're-write' it to see if I can get some clarity:


In high school you and a female friend went out together regularly, but, when you told her how much you liked her, just before leaving school, she didn't reciprocate.

She was interested in someone else & started dating him.

You felt destroyed and decided to get over her by having nothing more to do with her.

Occasionally, you might just exchange brief greetings, but it wasn't until 5 years later that communication increased.

Then you started to feel something for her again.

One meeting led from talking, to hand-holding, to kissing, to sex, but you felt confused, rather than happy.

After that, communication was sometimes frequent & sometimes infrequent.

Recently, you met up & had fun together ~ including sex, kissing, hugs, & a lot of innocent fun. It became a 'playful' relationship.

You were surprised that she agreed to be your girl, but, after thinking about being away studying, etc, she changed her mind ~ needing to think.

You still communicate by texting phone etc, but you are not sure how she really feels.

You worry that that the kissing, the hugs, the hand holding, the words, most importantly the sex wont lead to a commitment from her to you.

You even worry that her loving behaviour was false and that she was playing with your emotions.

She is the only girl you have really cared about and you don't know if she feels the same way.

She hasn't said that she does, but you haven't told her how you feel, either, because you are afraid of rejection.

Apparently, everyone thinks that you are a good catch & 'a good guy'.

You don't cheat or sleep around and you don't expect your girlfriend to, either.

You don't know whether or not to trust her, and you feel guilty for doubting her.

Your friend says that she is using you. You hope that she's not, but you feel that she might be.

You haven't even arranged to see each other again ~ and you wonder if you ever will.

You don't want to have to cut her out of your life forever, but if she is toying with you, you feel that you would have to.

Yet you don't think that you could live with yourself, if you lost the only girl that makes you happy.

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.