Dear SDG,
I didn't read your lament word for word albeit was pretty well written. You are young. Hopefully you will learn something about yourself eventually from this quasi relationship. I think you need to before you go too much further.
As an aside, I spent a year and a half as a client with a young health practitioner. He would be close to your age. He shared his stories of the lovelorn with not just me but with others clients of his, as I could overhear him in the waiting rooms. It got a little tedious as clearly from an objective viewpoint, it appeared that he always lusted for the WRONG girl (for him). Nice enough young man, a little vapid though and lacked substance.
Look deep inside yourself for the answers. You definitely have some conflicts. At any rate good luck with your progress and life, as there is a lot of knowledge out there to latch onto if you are observant and ready to receive the information.
