It is your life. There may be genetic factors and environment factors that have been beyond your control. And there may be things around you that you have limited control over.
Yet, in my opinion, understanding someone else's hitting you - for any reason - is akin to rationalizing cutting or harming yourself.
I think you are worth more than that.
Wanting your boy friend's love and attention is human and normal. We all want to be loved.
But a love which keeps us in a inferior state (awaiting an embrace or a hit) is not what helps us grow stronger and more secure in our lives, in my opinion.
I urge you to seek counseling. I urge you to tell your social worker all that has been going on.
Battered females the world over live with the punishments, the apologies, and the expressions of love. Their whole world becomes pleasing the one who is controlling them.
Don't let this be you! You can break free.
