Hi burnedagain ~ welcome :)
I tend to agree with Lisa about the letter.
Handwritten sounds good to me ~ but that may be a generation thing. If you & she would be more comfortable with e-mail, then it might be ok.
But, before you write, are you absolutely sure?
You know the saying about [i]the grass being greener on the other side[/i].
You didn't 'want to get burned or burn her' then ~ but what about now?
When you had the chance, you were:
~ unwilling to date 'officially'
~ unwilling to commit
~ unsure of how you felt
~ kind of a jerk
~ flirting with other girls
~ letting her down
~ feeling smothered
~ feeling trapped
So ... 'all of a sudden' you felt trapped, but then, ''all of a sudden' you realized that you missed her.
[quote] I called her up told her I missed her and that I was sorry for everything I had done wrong. I also told her that the time apart made me realize that I love her too. But her reaction shocked me. First she started crying, and then she said she needed time to think, but I was persistent, she told me that she didn’t think she could ever be with me again and that she was just too angry and hurt to get over it ........
......... I’ve made a huge mistake! I want her back ...[/quote]
I don't want to sound harsh, because I can tell that you are hurting, but have you noticed how much this is about you?
What [i]you[/i] wanted; what [i]you[/i] want.
How [i]you[/i] felt; what [i]you[/i] feel.
How much consideration did you give / have you given / are you giving - to her feelings and wants and needs?
When you didn't want to commit, it was all about how [i]you[/i] wanted to behave.
Now you want her back, you are shocked by her reaction.
Have you actually put yourself in her place, and considered how she felt, and how she may be feeling?
Why were you shocked at her reaction ~ her distress and her anger?
Wouldn't you feel the very same way, in those circumstances?
She told you that she loved you.
That is a huge admission for a girl to make to a man.
It puts her in a very vulnerable place.
You told her that you still didn’t know how you felt.
You didn't even consider her to be your 'official' girlfriend.
This must have been upsetting for her ~ but at least you were being honest ~ and that is the right & fair thing to do.
However, being a jerk, flirting with other girls & letting her down is not the right & fair thing to do.
When you suddenly remembered the good times, realised your mistake and told her that you loved her, did you really expect her to just forgive & forget the bad times?
Are you aware that, perhaps, the way you are feeling, now, is something like the way she was feeling then?
How does she know that you won't let her down again?
How do you know that you won't feel smothered and trapped again?
My advice would be to stop thinking quite so much about what you do or don't want, for a while, and really think about what she might want & need.
She loved you then, so maybe there is a chance that she will again ~ or even that she still does.
If so, then there is a chance for you.
But she will be wary of being let down again ~ or of being 'burned', as you call it.
She will wonder if you will feel smothered & trapped if she takes you back.
She will fear having her heart broken again.
When you have given her feelings a lot of thought, then think again about your own.
Are you sure?
Can you even be sure?
Maybe it would be good to explain to her that you felt wary of committing too soon, because you didn't want either one of you to get hurt, but that you do care and you do want to try again.
But be honest ~ only make promises that you can keep.
Only promise to try, if trying is all that you can be sure that you can do.
Only tell her you love her, if you are sure that you do love her ~ not because you are in love with an idea, or a memory.
Yes, there were good times ~ you could talk easily and had a real connection ~ but remember, those good things were not enough to stop you feeling trapped the first time around.
She agreed to see you & to remain friends. Even though she changed her mind about the meetings, I think that this means that she still cares.
But she may well be fearful of being hurt again, so you are going to have to convince her that you care about her feelings and that you want to try again.
You cannot stop her dating someone else; you cannot make her take you back ~ but you can try.
As Lisa said, we all make mistakes.
Admit to your mistakes; apologise for them; ask her if she would be willing to give you another chance; give her some time; write to her, but don't pressure her; see how it goes.
Good luck! :)
