I'm Extremely Jealous and I'm afraid He's Leaving Is there any Hope
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old FemaleI am extremely jealous. I had a terrible childhood. I had a lot of problems at home. So much, that by 14 my parents had given up on me. I ran away, was promiscuous, tried some drugs (I was never addicted or anything). I got married at age 14. Between age 11 and 14 (until marriage) I was in and out of juveniles because of the running away. I have been treated badly by lots of men. I even worked as a stripper for a little while at age 17. I am a totally different person now. I am a junior in college, working on a bachelors degree in Computer Science, which was an accomplishment having quit school in the 8th grade. I got my GED and am on the Dean's List every semester. I don't do crazy or wild things anymore. In fact, I am pretty laid back and get along good with everyone else. My husband and I been together for 7 years now. I have never been able to trust him. I know I have drove him crazy. For a long time I had every reason in the world to trust him. I have put myself so much in his life that I don't know if I made up the reasons in my head or if they are really there. I don't know how to stop. I have told myself over and over that I'm not gonna do it today. I try to smile and seem not depressed, but it always comes out. Now I fear that he is getting ready to leave me. He is pulling away. I called him the other day at work and he must not known it answered. I heard him and his friends making fun of me. I also went and got some help a couple of years ago and the medicine I was on was making even more paranoid. I took it a few months and it just got worse. I stopped it and things have never been worse. I am afraid to go back, but I have made an appointment anyway. I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I am not a crazy person, even if I sound like one. Given all I have been through I think I am quite smart, too. I don't know how to control these urges. I am afraid that I am hopeless. I love my husband and don't want to loose him.
RomanceClass.com AdviceIt sounds like you have bounced back remarkably from a difficult start in your life. Computer Science is a very demanding degree and you must work very hard to be doing so well.
Unfortunately you have a trust problem with your husband. Your decision to go back for professional help is a very good one and if you keep at it your problems may go away. Make sure you are getting "talking" help in addition to the "medication" help.
I have no magic cure for jealousy/trust problems. Trust, however, is one of the biggest aspects of a good relationship. Communication is another and you should use it with your husband.
Here is a webpage to help build trust:
http://www.coping.org/growth/trust.htm
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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I hate that I love him
