help girlfriend cheated

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
hi ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years. everything was perfect i loved her more than anything and everything was picture perfect she got along great with my friends and family she moved in with me and my parent within the first month of us being together than after a year we got our own house things just kept getting better we both got real careers finally, we decided to get a dog together. we always had a great time together where ever when ever or who ever we were with or did. i started saving up for an engagement ring in may i was planning on asking her to marry me this valentines day. then she started going out all the time and was barely spending anytime with me she sarted coming home very early in the morning (like 430am) and would say i fell asleep at so and sos and then she started to not just come home this went on for a period of months i confronted her several times about this and made me feel like i was crazy asking why shes always going out but i never asked her if she was cheating (deep down inside i knew she was cheating but just didnt want to believe it) (now ive been cheated on in the past and dumped my previous girlfriend immediatly) then finally i had enough of her going out and called the relationship to an end thinking she just needed some space. she moved out and we had a couple minutes where we both cried on each other and then at the end before she left she looked me rite in the eye and "said atleast we never cheated on each other" and that was that she left over the next couple days we called each other everyday, she begged for me to take her back, thats when i told her i was planning on asking her to marry me and she said that she did want to marry me but she had somthing to tell me. thats when i found out she cheated on me. she said it was a one time deal. and that i would have never found out if she didnt tell me(wich is somthing that worries me) so a couple more days went by we still kept in touch and then i decided to give her another chance because i love this girl more than anything. so she started staying at my house again. then she said she thought I needed time to put myself together and i agreed so she started staying at her house again and we continued to talk on the phone, then i cought her with the guy she cheated on me with again, and also the guy she cheated on me with had stuff all over his myspace about her, so i completely cut her off i didnt answer her calls or messages or anything then our anniversary came up and she called and said she wanted to see me, i agreed, she came over and begged for me back, i finally gave in and decided to take her back again. my friends do not agree with decision at all and my family i think also disagrees with my decision but they said what ever makes me happy. so she started to stay at my house everynite again but now its harder than ever i dont feel comfortable sleeping in bed with her anymore so ive been sleeping on the couch, i dont trust her anymore due to what she did, she still sees the person she cheated on me with at work. shes his boss. also i dont believe it was a one time thing cuz she was going out all the time for months, she said she was to ashamed and embarrased to see me after it happend, i dont know what to believe. i feel so insecure rite now and i feel like im setting my self up for disaster. during our relationship i was 100% commited to her i never thought about any girl but her i gave up alot of the things i enjoyed doing before we started going out in the begining of the relationship and i was fine not going to car shows or hangin out with my friends, i did what ever she wanted i turned into her puppet i cooked i cleaned the house i did what she wanted went where she wanted, i gave her my all. im very confused do you think i should take her back should i believe it wont happen again? another thing is that i kind of feel like im better off trying to find somone else and starting over again because my friends and family all loved her and i feel like its going to be so much work for them to forgive her for what she did to me? Advice
Sorry to hear you are still having trouble. The last time you wrote you sounded more trusting and wanting to give her another chance and so the advice was that you could give that a try.

Now you are sounding less trusting and more like you want to break up for good. You also have now explained how committed and devoted to her you were.

You also seem to always be getting back with her after break ups.

My advice is that the two of you should go to a professional counselor and spend some visits discussing the situation. Your relationship definitely needs some help.

Good luck to you! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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