I Cheated, then Cheated on my Affair Too

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I got involved with a female married "older" (11 years difference) coworker 2 years ago now (I was also married at the time). My marriage had already been in trouble and things moved very quickly, this affair that I did not instigate cost me my marriage.

So I kept seeing this woman at my work (not that I could avoid her as we worked on the same floor) and for a year and a half everything went so well until I decided I would eat all my cake and sleep with another coworker.

The woman I was previously having an affair with found out and was not pleased to say the least. So to cut this long story even shorter, 9 months after the break down of our affair, I've slept with her 3 times since and for the last 6 months we have been fighting, fighting, and more fighting but still acting like we are in a relationship.

I have been trying and trying to win this woman back. She says she cares, she admits she doesn't like me being with anyone else, but doesn't make any time to see me (yet we email and text almost 24/7).

I know the answer is to let go and move on, yet I do really love this woman and I think somewhere deep within her she loves me somewhat too (or why else would she fight to keep me around). My question is simply, what do I do, I want to move on but the heart wants what the heart wants.

There is more to the story but that's the gist of it anyways.

Appreciate your advice :)

RomanceClass.com Advice
The heart is just an organ that pumps blood. The brain is what's involved here, and brains can make all sorts of poor decisions about life. I'm sure we can think up millions of examples where brains make poor choices. So that is what's happening here.

You absolutely need honesty to be able to get anything to work out going forward. You were dishonest with your wife and dishonest with both of these women. It was a foregone conclusion that disaster was going to result. So if you do really think you have a future, it's time to be honest.

Is she still married? If so, then she clearly has to be honest with him and ask for a divorce. She has to choose to make you her focus in life. If she's not capable of doing that, then it's time to move on. She's had more than enough time to do that. If she is going to look for someone to use, it should not be you.

If she is single, then it's time for you to date openly and honestly. Put all the chaos behind you and forge a new start. That's the only way anything will work out.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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