She Lies and Cheats due to Threats

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I met my girl on a dating site 4 months ago. She is from Chicago and I am from California. When we first got to chatting and talking over the phone she came across as a god fearing and righteous woman. What made me fall for her was her trust in God.

As time lapsed we talked about our past relationships and agreed we had learned a lot from them. She willingly shared with me that I was the second man in her life. It did not matter much as it was the past. we talked about marriage and gods plans.

I flew down to meet her and it was an amazing week with her. We went to church together and accepted each other in God's presence. I totally accepted her. I had to return back and we talked regularly on the phone.

However, she called me a couple of days ago and told me she had not been entirely honest with me. She had another guy before me. I was okay with that to. I asked her as to what made her tell me this. She says her ex wants to marry her. I asked her what she wanted and she wanted to be with me. She said she came clean because the guy was going to send me pictures of them in a compromising position and she wanted me to know it from her first.

Further questioning revealed she had met up with him after I had left and had spent the night with him at a hotel. She however swears she did not go all the way and have sex but just oral sex. I feel she was honest only because she was caught. I forgave her though and asked her to ask forgiveness from God. I asked her to stop all correspondence with him.

The problem is I still cannot forget the incident and the fact that he has not stopped emailing her and she replying to it. She says she cannot be so cruel as he says he will commit suicide if she does that.

I really don't know what to do. I am so messed up. I love her too. Please advise, I need all I can get. I thank you so much for it in advance. May God bless you. Advice
I think you hit the key problem right on the nose here. If she had come to you the next day, it would be one thing. She would have realized her mistake, apologized, and you could have moved forward.

But she didn't. She was intending to hide it - and to keep talking with him - and that was her plan. She could easily have given in to him many more times because of his emotional threats. If she's vulnerable to them, it's not going to end.

The guy needs help. She can't keep sleeping with him and being his girlfriend solely because of threats. That's dangerous and not good for either of them.

You need to help her get him into therapy, or something, and completely free of him. As long as she is on his leash, nothing can work.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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