My Fiance Cheated

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
My fiance and I have been together for nearly four years. I asked her to marry me last summer and she pushed for the wedding as soon as possible. We set the date for August.

She had her hen night recently and when she came back she was really off with me, refused to talk to me or be near me and i thought something was wrong. She works away for three days a week and I would normally meet her on a tuesday night at her hotel, however this week she was insistent that i wasnt coming. so left early the next morning.

I was suspicious so i checked her mobile phone bill and noticed a number that started to appear at 4am on the night of the hen and continued to be texted since and in quite rapid succession. I also noticed she had added a new friend on facebook from where she had her party. Long story short I had her followed at the hotel and it was confirmed she had met another man and taken him to her room. I went to the hotel and caused a scene.

She admits what she did was wrong and nothing happened. She said she is unsure about whether she want to marry me or if we are what she wants.

The wedding is 7 weeks away, I love her, perhaps this is just a wobble because of the commitment of marriage or something deeper.

what should I do? Advice
On one hand it's certainly normal to feel jitters before a life-long commitment. On the other hand, trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. If you can't trust the person you're with to be there for you, through thick and thin, then what is the relationship about? Sure, this was a trauma for her to get through - but life is not easy. Life is not smooth. There will be MANY traumas that life tosses at you over the years. On each one is she going to go running to other men and then lie about it? Is this how she handles stress?

The only reason she apparently admitted it was she was caught at it. Otherwise it sounds like it would have kept on going.

I would find a third party to talk with her to figure out what is going on. Certainly everyone makes one time mistakes and learns from them. None of us are perfect. But you need to figure out if she really was sorry about this, or if she was just caught at doing it and is likely to keep doing this going forward.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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