My best friend, my lover cheated on me 2 years ago

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend of 2 and a half years cheated on me 4 months into our relationship and I just found out. I admit, I was being a snoop and looked through his email but I justify this by two things that had happened that made me lose trust in him. Firstly, 6 months ago I found a MSG from some random girl on his phone where they were flirting and had posted half nude pics to each other. That completely floored my at the time but somehow we resolved it and I probably stupidly accepted it. The next thing that happened was that I found a profile he had made on the attached cheaters website Ashley Maddison. He explained this as something he was curious about and wanted to check out, so I accepted that too although without losing a great deal of trust.

After this, he did become more attentive and made improvements to be a much better boyfriend, but I still snooped and this is what I found.

4 months into our r/s he slept with another girl. I found this through emails he had sent her telling her he really wanted to f$&k her and also that he loved being around her, she was everything he wanted in a girl etc.

I confronted him last night saying someone tipped me off asking me yo ask him who "Cathy" was. He acted confused and said he knew of a Cathy but didn't say anything until I showed him the email. What a coward. Finally he admitted to sleeping with her 3 times and then "breaking it off" with her because he chose me. He claims it happened because he did really like her and was confused as it was early on inthe r/s.

I am so heartbroken. This guy has been my best friend for 6 years so I thought I had a little insurance. He still wants to work things out but I can't accept it and refuse to allow myself to be a fool. It feels like our r/s was a joke and I'm so emotionally confused as even though we are 25, this is my first real r/s ever and the first person I really had a sexual r/s with. I feel disgusted and shamed and I dint feel I can even tell my friends. I'm an idiot who gave him my all,100% of my heart and soul. What I want to know is what you all think of the situation and maybe give me some tips to stay strong and positive. I thougt I had just beat depression but now I'm scared if will return. I almost cut myself again this morning but I stopped myself. Any feedback, experience advice you could give would be do appreciated. Love fool Advice
First off, you are not a fool and have NOTHING to be ashamed about. Most people, unfortunately, experience heartbreak like this in their first relationships. It is all part of learning and growing. You sound like you are smart enough to realize that.

The best thing for you is to ask yourself what makes YOU happy. Spending time with friends, being artistic, doing sports, pursuing hobbies, or maybe even getting engrossed in a new field of study? Traveling? Decide you are going to make a plan to schedule in things in your life that make you feel good inside - and then go do them. And keep doing them. Tell your friends to make you get out and do them, if you have to. :)

It can be hard to let someone go, after they have taken residence in your heart, but you will get there. Never doubt that. Tell yourself you are a strong girl with many other things going on! You will eventually move on and be happier without having an untrustworthy boyfriend holding you back.

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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