BAD case of jealousy- feels like a sickness

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I met my boyfriend in class during my second year of university, we've been dating for 8 months. I'm 20 and he's 22. I have had about 3 relationships prior each one not even lasting a month and the same with him. All around me girls are getting married having children and I feel like i've finally found the man of my dreams (another reason to be so clingy). He is just the most amazing person I have ever been with. He is incredibly smart, fit, good looking and one of the funniest people you will ever meet.

-He has a very charmy personality and is very nice. To me it feels like flirting.... all his friends are basically girls- an they are not normal girls they are blonde skinny bombshells. My self esteem has never been so low and I find myself crying alot, feeling too ugly and almost not even "worthy" to be his girlfriend. He has never really done anything to make me feel like he's a cheater - but I feel suspicious all the time, and I've never been so jealous in my life when he talks- glances at- waves at- or has EYE contact with a girl. If he's in the same room as another girl I honestly just feel like crying and wanting to break up because I can't take the suspense. He lives at the residense at the university and I go through senarios all the time in my head of what he could be doing. I have this terrible paranoia and its affecting my studies worrying all the time, and I have never felt so ugly in my life.

please please I don't know what to do :( Sometimes I'm even looking for ways to get angry at him and accuse him of flirting or being unfaithful. This is not normal jealousy- this is just plain ugly...... and I can't talk to him about it because we already have and he assures me time and again he's never loved somebody so much in his life. I don't want to bother him with this anymore. But I CAN'T STOP!! Advice
You are totally right - this is not healthy, happy, normal girlfriend behavior. It's very encouraging that you can see that so clearly. Is there any way at your university to seek out some counseling? Working through your issues will serve you in good stead in many areas of your life, and might preserve your sanity a little right now. There are also self help books about learning to manage jealousy - take a stroll through and see what comes up.

I think you need to trust your boyfriend. Even if his friends are all attractive blondes, remember that he is with YOU. He must actually like you! :) Take hope from that, have some trust in him (or you will drive him away) and do what you can to tame your green eyed monster inside.

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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