Believe him? Or tell him to leave because im no Fool!!

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been toegther for alil over two years and we have a beautiful 8mo baby boy, our relationship has been pretty good for the most part, we've had out ups and downs as all relationships have but this past december 2010 my boyfriend and i got into and argument because he said he was tierd of me accusing him of liking and cheating with other girls. WHICH, i do have a reason to because 4 months after we started dating, i was at work one night,i worked all night 7am-7pm he was at home drinking by himself and decided to call up his ex to see if she wanted to come over to have sex, which she told him no according to him. The only reason i found out is because i went through his fone. And he also sent me a txt message once that was supposed to be sent to another girl and this message was reguarding how good she looked and why cant they talk anymore. He did admit to all of it and appologized, so i somewhat forgave him. Not completely but i left it alone. After our son was born he started doing different things to make me think he was taking intrest or cheating with other females. So, i started questioning him again, and everytime he would get so mad and it would turn into this huge argument. I admit i was probably being annoying doin this and getting on his nerves but something just kept telling me there was something going on. And three nights before christmas eve we had a falling out and he took off two of the nights in a row but came back early morning between 3-4am.I of course was mad,and asked where he had been and he said he went to his friends. The third night before christmas eve he left AGAIN, but this time he didnt come back. He wouldnt answer his fone, noone could get ahold of him not even family or best friends, noone knew where he was at. It was our sons first christmas and he wasnt anywhere to be found. He finally showed up at his parents house around 4pm christmas eve and acted like nothing happend. I took him back AGAIN! Then new years eve we went out of town and came home did not drink at all, and made it back before midnight so we could spend it with our son. I asked him if he wanted to goto my parents to because they were babysitting so we could celebrate there and he said he didnt want to go over there. So i said ok do you want me to bring the baby home so it can be just us 3 here at home celebrating, and he said no just leave him there so he can sleep. I told him i was goin to see my parents for a little bit and i would be back, he said ok he was going to wash his clothes. I left and was only gone for not even 15mins and went back home to celebrate with him and i walk in and he is NO WHERE to be found....HE left AGAIN! He came back home the next morning aroung 730am and I told him he either tells me where he has been or he needs to leave and not come back because i cant handle this anymore. And he said a friends, and i asked who the friend was and he said DONT WORRY ABOUT IT! so of course i got upset and cried, and i told him i deserve to know, and i asked if it was as female or male and he said it didnt matter if it was male/female. so i said it is a female and he said, Did i say it was a female?? So i figured it wasnt because he said that. And he told me not to worry about who it was because he didnt do anything he just sat and watched tv and talked about our problems with his friend and sleep on the couch.......3Days ago he finally told me that his friend was this girl he worked with. He tells me over and over that he doesnt like her and that he did not have sex with her, he said he fell asleep on her couch and she slept in her bed with her son. he said he just needed someone to talk to about our problems and she was the friend that was there to listen. i told him i didnt know they were even friends because ive never once seen them say a word to each other. I emailed her and asked her about and asked why she would allow him to stay at her house when she knew we are together and have a son. and plus her and i graduated high school together years ago so i dont understand why she would do this. And she said she didnt mean to cause any problems she was just trying to be a friend and listen and it was nothing more than that nothing sexual or anything or that nature ever happend. she said shd does not like him like that or have any feelings for him other than just being friends. I asked my boyfriend why did he need to leave new years eve when we had a great day? and he said he was just going over there to tell her that everything was going good between us and hes decided to stay with me and make things work. And i asked him why he needed to report to her and tell her this and why he felt that he needed to stay the night at her house to do this? Then late he changed his answer to, he really dont know why he left he really doesnt have a reason, but he didnt do anything with her at all he slept on the couch......I dont know what to think. I do feel really hurt, i feel like left me and our son to go spend the new year with HER an HER son. I almost feel like me and our son arent good enough. im just so hurt by all this. Part of me does believe him..BUT...the other part knows that most men dont goto other females houses and just sleep on the couch! And she told me that they just started being friends about 2 months ago, which makes me think thats a like because it usually takes most ppl months and monthts and even years to gain someones trust to be able tell them everything about yourself and your problems and feel comfortable that their not going to tell your secrets.....HE says he loves me and my son and doesnt know what he would do without us and never wants to lose us, and I love him SOOO much (apparently)and dont want to lose him either but i also know if you really love someone you would never put them through this. I would never, do anything like this to him, i love him way too much to hurt him. I just dont know if i should believe him when he says he didnt have sex with her? Thats one thing i just cant get out of my head....I dont know if staying with him and tryin to start over and work through this is worth it or not?....Please Give me any advice you can. I appreciate it. Advice
I think this young man has a lot of growing up to do. Creating a child with you does not mean he is capable of being a good mate to you. Whether or not he is sleeping with anyone right now, he has a miserable track record when it comes to fidelity. This is not someone you can rely on for you to be there for you or your child.

I think there is too much baggage between you two to be able to make things work out. You need to take better care of yourself - have more respect for yourself - and find someone who is honorable and willing to commit. Make yourself move on for your sake and the sake of your son.

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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