Am i Right? Or do I need help?

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I have a huge problem. I have read your advice and I do believe it has a large amount of merit and utility, however it has not worked for me so far. How can I change the way I feel about her friends who are guys, how can I change the way I feel about her 8 page messages to guys when I get less? Is it really my problem or hers? I have talked to her many times on the issue and it always boils down to the same conclusion, I have my opinion and she has hers. But that is not enough for me, cause it hurts so much and I am always looking over my shoulder worrying and checking up on her. Part of the problem is I used to be an axxhole and cheat on girls and have mutiple partners, and that is why I am always so suspicious, how do I overcome fears that are there? How can i trust her to not do what I did so many times? Thanks for any help in advance, cause I have a serious problem in an otherwise perfect relationship. Advice
You are right - this is a serious issue. You are finding it hard to trust this girl because you know what cheating looks like and find this suspicious.

I salute your efforts to leave your bad habits behind and to be a better person and a good boyfriend. Good for you!

Is your girl cheating on you? Or is she right in that these are just friends and should be allowed to not be judged for it? I can't answer that. All I can ask you is if you are willing to live with her having intense text friendships with other guys.

If you think you can deal with it, then do what you can to be understanding about it. Possibly talk to a counselor about your jealousy issues. If you can't handle it - then tell her that, and move on.

Basically, if she is not willing to change, then all you can control are your own actions. You might need a girl who is more obviously interested in being closer to you than her other guy friends. And if so, that is fine. Knowing what you need and want is half the battle. Finding how to get what you need is the other. Good luck!

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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