Should I stay, or should I go?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Dear RomanceClass,

My fiance and I have been together for almost three years. He has supported me and has done a lot for me. I love him so much, but it seems that we have come to an inevitable bridge. My fiance does computer work and he wants to work for this company called GitHub, located in San Francisco, CA. We currently live in the DC area, so CA is pretty far away. Right now he is based with a company in South Carolina, only a few hours away and works remotely, but of course if he stays with them, eventually he will have to move to South Carolina. I'd be more willing to move there, then CA. I am very close with my family, I always have been. Especially my mom, who is currently caring for my my aging grandmother, she doesn't have a whole lot of emotional support, other then me and my grandmother won't be around much longer so I want to enjoy every minute I get with her. My friends are here, my job is here, so many things that I would have to give up if I moved to CA. So I kind of told him if he got the job I'd be staying home. He was really angry and just assumed I'd drop my life and move with him, he thinks I have nothing here. Most of his friends think I am being stupid, except for one that mentioned to my fiance that he was being insensitive about my life. I even compromised, saying I'd go out and visit him and if I thought SF was where I wanted to be, then I'd move out there, but not right away, that's a huge move. My friends are on my side with this too. His family is upset about him moving, but he's never been much of a family person, since he moved out he has only seen them once a month and we live in the same town as them. I think they know this, just don't want to admit it. His friend asked him point blank if he would still move out there knowing we might not last and he said, yes, so I'm thinking he cares more about this job then me. I don't want to be unfair and make him choose, but that's what's going to happen. I know if not this job it would be something else, and maybe that's something I have to think about if I am going to marry him. I just don't know what to do, so any advice would be appreciated.

-Babymoondrop Advice
Babymoondrop, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You've thought out the situation and how you feel about it, and have even conceded that you will visit your fiance out there, and that if it looks like a permanent place for him, you will reassess how you feel about a move.

I agree with your friends that he is not being sensitive to your needs and your situation. If he is willing to make decisions for both you of you now, then how much more will he do that in marriage? I think maybe you will need to have a long think with yourself if this is indeed the man for you.

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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