Marriage in one month still jealous

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male

I am a newly qualified doctor,I always thought I had all the answers etc...but these days I feel like such a..loser. I dont know. Many of my past relationships have failed and its because of jealousy, I keep telling myself I shouldnt be but then it comes out. My fiance and I have been fighting a fair deal these last few weeks and its almost a month before our wedding. Silly stuff usually...Im just insecure and worry that she may find someone else..better than me. I am doing my Zuma/community year in Ermelo,South Africa and she is still finishing her final year in Pretoria which is about 300km away/+- 3hrs drive. I just dont know anymore everyone tells her she is making a big mistake in getting married to me....stuff like she is still young and of my past track record. So she feels upset/wounded and this in turn also reflects to me and I become upset etc as well but she doesnt see that i also hurt. I have had to chase a few of her ex boyfriends away as they kept on interferring in our affairs and one even threatend me to leave her. Its frustrating ,I used to get jealous of her wearing skimpy outfits and going out with her girls but Iv eased up on that. Im really trying. But the other forth night her one ex called their house (my Fiance wasnt home she stays at a girls hostel during the week) and the mom told me ,as he wanted to find out if we were still engaged and getting married.After the mother informed me or rather it sliped out, I freaked out,feels like she was hiding this,I emailed him(bad move) and asked him to back off. However he has turned the story around and said he will call her if he wants etc and he is friends with my fiances things have got rather complicated in a relative short time...Im trying my best but it feels like everything I do is wrong an I get the stima of being jealous.

Please help me save my relationship and hence marriage

Best Regards

GŁnther Advice
I think you need to set up a time to have an open and honest conversation with her. I am hearing a lot of intel that is coming from other people. What other people say will always be filtered through their own mental filters and life experiences. You need to to right to the source and work this out - one on one with her alone.

Tell your love you have been actively becoming a better man - that you have worked on your jealousy, that you are more understanding and open minded, and that all these fights have been wearing you down. Ask her what is going on with her. Pledge to start a new, fresh life together, and to promise to talk to each other first going forward. Become each other's source of comfort and strength. Good luck!

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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