Married,seperated & have 2 lovers

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I got married when i was 15 yrs old..had my beautiful little girl that is now 6 yrs old...i been seperated for 5 yrs...thought i was in love but i really wasn't, i didn't know what love was at that time...well while i had seperated from my husband i started talking to a guy...we talked, i started to have feelings for him..we dated for awhile..he cheated on me then i got pregnant from him. When i found out that i was pregnant my mom had him move in with us in my aunts rental house, i didnt want anything to do with him...time past, i had my other little girl and my mom passed away in december of 09....i can't stand him, i dont want him touching me or anything..i lost my feelings for him...we are always arguing & fighting, i have no right to kick him out cause hes paying rent & bills...well i started talking to this other guy who iam now in love with, hes also married but seperated...i been knowing him for almosr 1 yr...a week ago he went to jail, another county 10 hrs away had picked him up for something he did in yr not sure how long he will be in jail...well me & his sister went to his house to pick up his stuff & the roomates he had living with him told me he had a girlfriend living with him...i was in shock! his roomate also told me that all he would do is talk good about me in front of the girl that was living with him.. I kinda felt that he was doing me wrong like liyin to me, i just dont
understand why he didn't tell me..i would've understood cause i know how he felt about me living with another guy. I dont know what to do so in love with him, he would even tell me that he loves me & that hes in love with me. Im so confused... Advice
It sounds to me like you need to take a break from relationships, and just be with you for a while. You have your children to take care of, yes, but you are simply ignoring YOU, in favor of looking for men to fill the space inside yourself.

Most women have been there, and it can be really hard to step back from the habit of wanting/seeking relationships. Since you have been basically involved with someone since the tender age of 15, you really do deserve to take the time to be without a man. Explore you, your likes and dislikes. Ask yourself what your dreams are and where you want your life to go. Don't resign yourself to being a bump on someone else's log. You can become your own log. Heck, you can become your own healthy, growing tree! :-)

Do this for you - take a deep breath and find your courage to be alone for a while. Eventually you will find you are in the right space for the right relationship to come along, one with mutual respect and friendship.

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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