Confused and Hurt!

Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I was married and pregnant at a young age(18). Divorced two yrs later, single mother of two teenagers. Tried dating but had trust issues and compared them to my ex. I moved to Naples in 2003 and ever since I moved here have not been on a date, until Oct of 2010 where I stepped out if the box a started dating a woman. I was in a relationship for 5 months during those months there was ups and downs but she treated me great. But my self esteem, trust issues, not showing my emotion to her effected the relationship. She knew what I went through with me ex, he was verbally abusive. She didn't care that I wasn't reaDY to let people know about us, especially my family and friends. She just wanted me to break down that wall. She was such a go positive person in my life. On 4/10/11 she broke it off. Two weeks later we talked about trying to work things out because we both had issues. So we needed to work on ourselves. She suggested for us to take it slow. But during that time she was hanging out with her "best friends". I just found it strange since while we were together they hardly hanged out. I asked her if anything was going on and she told me no that her friend was not like that. During all this taking it slow. I keep asking her to come over or lets do something. Sometimes she did and sometimes we didn't. One day I asked her to come over that I would like to talk to her. She did we talk and we were intimate with each other. Didn't talk for a while, so again I asked her what is going on. Are we going to try to work this out or not. She said she does but she is scared because she doesn't want to get hurt and she was tired of the break up and make up. A week later, she send me a text that she started dating someone and to please leave her alone. Maybe we can be friends again but she needs time and needs to process.
And who is she dating her "best friend". They went away to PR for the summer, and what is shocking to me is that we were suppose to go to PR for our one year anniversary/bday in October. I have texted her, emailed her and written letters asking her to forgive me. Lets be friends since we were friends before getting involve. I knew her 2 yrs before we get involve. I do love her and miss her. But she never gave me the chance to change. And how do you tell me one week you are still in love with me and than the following week saying the same to someone else.
Your ex-girlfriend has clearly asked you to leave her alone, and you do need to respect that. Don't call, or text, write, or make excuses to see her. If she wants to be friends again (providing you still do), let her reach out to you.

She has probably had feelings her her 'best friend' for quite some time. These things do happen, and unfortunately you got caught in the middle and got hurt. All you can really do is move on, whatever and however that takes.

In the meantime, working on yourself and your own self esteem sounds like a great plan! Make some new friends, join some groups, start some hobbies or projects. You are going to be fine. :)

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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