He Feels I Will Never be Loyal
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I met M towards the end of the school year at a friend's pool party. It was an instant conection. We talked a bit and he asked me out that night, I was delighted. There was a problem though, I had fallen for another guy, S, before I even met M. I broke up with M two weeks after we got together, trying to get with S, but got back M about a week later. We dated for a bit but I knew how unfair it was to him to be dating him while my heart belonged to another. I broke up with M again while I tried to erase my feeling for S. While we weren't dating I made sure that M knew I was still in love with him. I broke a promise and didn't give this other fellow a second chance because I wanted M more.
I had finally gotten over S and I was going to ask M back out. More so beg, but he went on a camping trip before I had a chance. When he got back he said we should stay strickly friends. He gave me reasons like "I'm christian our views are way different." and "I'm not into your kind of music" and stuff like that when none of that meant a lick before.
Since then he's pretty much avoided me saying how I hurt him. I've apologized many times, and swore to him that he was the only one I wanted, that I wasn't going to screw up. I pretty much have poured my heart out to him. I don't see him really ever and I only saw him once after he blew me off and I kept catching him looking at me.
I'm kind of breaking into hystaria typing all this already... I miss him more than anything and I have no idea what I can do to get him back.. I don't know what I did really and I just want him back... More than anything in the world.. Any suggestions on how to get him back?..
I'd make sure to read all the tips on the site about getting someone back; there are a wealth of ideas to try there. The key here is that he feels his trust was betrayed. A person who is "burned once" is very hesitant to risk that again. He in essence has "proof" in his mind that you are a person who will hurt him. As much as you can say in words that you won't, you showed in action that you're capable of it, and that's what is lodged in his mind.
So you have to prove to him in action that you are now different. That what happened before was a temporary aberration of the way you actually are. In a way his bringing up of Christianity is pointing to that. He is saying, "the way I am is one that would not betray others" - a way of saying that you are cut from a different mold. So you have to demonstrate to him - NOT just tell him - that you are indeed just like him. After all, we all make mistakes. We all stray from the path we want to be on. So you have to prove to him that at your foundation you ARE like him. That the behavior was aberrant - it was a straying from your actual true nature which is loyal.
So start doing that. Every day, show your loyalty to him. Don't just talk about it. Do it. Do you have something special he gave you to wear, or does he have a favorite team / symbol etc? Start wearing it. Tone down any flirtations with any other guy. Act as if you are loyal to him and no other could sway you. Let others know that you are committed to him and in it for the long haul. Send him daily gentle, friendly messages or texts just letting him know what you are doing. Don't say you miss him. Say that you're content. The point is to show him that you are patient, serene, and you have faith. Your daily proof of who you "really are" will show him.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com