Roller Coaster Relationship

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
This is probably going to be pretty confusing but let's start with the basics. I'm still in love with my ex. We've been off and on for 3 years. It's been a complete roller coaster for both of us.

Recently he got a new girlfriend but when him and I talk, we still act like we're together. My friend reads our texts and even asked me if he and I were still a couple.

Either way I tried giving him distance. We didn't talk for the whole summer. But as soon as I came back to talking with him the spark re-lit.

I'm really confused about what I should do. Everyone says he's a player because he's nice to every girl, but I know I'm the only one he's this close to. I feel we have something special but he has a girlfriend. I really want to get back with him but I'm afraid of either of us getting hurt again. Then on the other hand it pains both of us to be separated.

I'm so confused and I love him so much.

What do you think I should do? Advice
One of the things you tend to learn about relationships over time is that if it's meant to last, it will need work, but it shouldn't be a roller coaster. If you're at the roller coaster stage it means it's just not working and you keep trying to force it.

Yes you can be completely fond of a person - and still not be able to be in a relationship with them. It happens ALL the time. There are just things about them that don't work well with them. So you remain best friends, you enjoy your times together, and you find someone else to actually be your boyfriend.

It sounds like you two are that type of couple. He *has* a girlfriend. He has free will - clearly he chose to be with that girl because he wants to be with her. I don't want to be harsh here, but he actively chose with his own free will not to be with you. Because he knows it doesn't work well.

It's fine to love him. Enjoy your feelings for him. Enjoy your time with him. But in terms of dating someone, it's time to find someone else who really is a perfect match for you.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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