No Good Guys in the World

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I met a guy in when volunteering. We spent a lot of time together volunteering in summer. He is probably the sweetest guy I have ever met. He is willing to listen and help me. When I realized I liked him, he started to back up.

We were on the same shift yesterday. Something terrible happened to me recently, so I was really down. Before I went volunteering, I really wanted to tell him and hoped he would comfort me. However during the shift, he told me he just returned from a short trip and was really tired. I did not tell him what happened to me because of that. We did not talk as much as we usually do. He thought I was frustrated with my graduate school application. He said everything would be fine, and promised we would do a shift together.

Today, I noticed that he took off the shift that he promised to do with me. I was disappointed. I cried on my way home.

What happened today reminded me what happened with another guy I met last year. We had a lot of fun together. That guy even said there were chances between us. Then one day, he told me that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend, and said everything was my imagination, he had told me he was waiting for his ex-girlfriend, which wasn't true.

I wonder what I have done wrong to make guys treat me like a play thing that they just want to have fun with me but never a commitment. Similar experiences have happened even before that guy I met last year. Why do I have to be the second choice? Or is it really my imagination that there's a potential romance with guys?

I am so upset. I am in my late 20s. Most of my friends are married or in a committed relationship, while I am still in the process of searching and got no luck. I guess i will spend the rest of my life by myself. Advice
You can't make sweeping statements based on the behavior of one or two men. There are millions of men in the world (well technically billions) and they are all different. Yes there will always be some random ones who aren't good matches. The question is where you're looking for guys and how many you are dating. If you only date one or two then it's going to be likely you're not going to get great ones. You have to try out a lot of them before you find the ones that fit well.

Your statements about this guy are that he'll listen to you and help you. That isn't really a great way to evaluate a guy :). A guy whose purpose in life is just to listen to you and help you will get burned out fairly quickly and go on to someone who is more of a partner.

You need to find a way to be joyous on your own, to be truly happy. Find hobbies you enjoy and a life you enjoy. Then you want to find a partner who *shares* in those hobbies and joys. If you're unhappy to start with a partnership won't work. You can't make someone else "fix" you. The way a partnership works is if you find joy and contentment - and then men flock to you to want to share in that and have fun with you.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

Speak Your Mind - Share your Thoughts on this Question!

All Advice in the category - Getting Closer to Someone
All Questions & Answers by Category
Most Recent 20 Questions

Please read through the advice on this site before you Submit your Own Question! We have thousands of pages of valuable advice that can immediately help you with your situation.